


Cinema Penguina

by Purpleprose556



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Flirting, Dating, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Oswald Cobblepot, Oswald Cobblepot Has a Crush, Oswald has a few crushes, Oswald is a wanted man, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Resolved Sexual Tension, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purpleprose556/pseuds/Purpleprose556
Summary: While working one Friday at Gotham's video rental store, nineteen year old Oswald Cobblepot has a run in with his three major crushes from high school - Jim Gordon, Jerome Valeska, and Edward Nygma. Oswald's never been on a date, or even been kissed, so the idea of all three of them being just as interested in him seems impossible... but everything is possible in Gotham.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Jerome Valeska, Oswald Cobblepot/Jim Gordon
Comments: 30
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The technology is sort of timeless, like in the show, so in this AU, VHS tapes coexist with smartphones.

Friday night in Gotham City was full of possibilities. You could go downtown for some gourmet food, kitschy curiosity shops, and even catch a burlesque show. If your tastes ran more towards the traditional or upscale, you could head uptown and visit the Monarch Theatre and do some window shopping at designer stores.

Or, you could be stuck at Clocktower Video, restocking junk food and watching couples come in to pick the movies that they'd watch later that evening, cuddled together on their couches, not a care in the world. 

It wasn't bitterness, Oswald Cobblepot told himself as he placed the last bag of popcorn on the snack bar. It wasn't loneliness either. It was just...well, these people just had to shove it down everyone's throats, didn't they? _Look at us. Look how happy we are._

It wasn't that Oswald was unhappy, per se, but it really sucked having that reminder that he'd never had a boyfriend. He hadn't been the only gay student at Gotham High, but the only other out and proud gay gay was Jervis Tetch, who was too weird even for Oswald's tastes. Plus, Oswald had a habit of running his mouth, which led to frequent trips to detention, giving him a reputation for being a delinquent. He might've been able to use that to craft a bad boy image, but his limp and close relationship with his mother erased any possibilities for that to work for him. Then his mother died, leaving him all alone, and nothing else seemed to matter. 

At least he had his job, boring as it was. Fish Mooney seemed to run any business that wasn't owned by the Wayne family, and she took a liking to Oswald, hiring him to work most of the shifts for Clocktower Video. Oswald had won enough scholarships to get a full ride to Gotham University, and the extra money for his job went right into savings. Fish kept instructing Oswald to prepare for the future, and although he didn't quite know what that meant yet, he liked the idea of becoming someone important in Gotham City. 

But right now, he was just Oswald Cobblepot, a weird nineteen years old virgin who'd never even been kissed. 

"Pengy." A soft whine behind him made Oswald smirk. He worked nights with Ivy Pepper, who'd been his only friend at GHS. It took a lot to impress Fish Mooney, but Ivy had charmed her way into a job by being her enthusiastic, adorable, badass self. Like Fish, Ivy didn't take shit, and she was hilarious. "Pengy, I am so bored that I could puke."

"Well, don't do that." Oswald looked over at a guy browsing the Indies section. "Why don't you ask him if he needs help? He's kinda cute."

Ivy snorted. "Him? He's a creep. He only checks out foreign movies with gratuitous sex scenes."

"Why doesn't he just go to the Spank Space?" Oswald wondered. The Adult section of Clocktower Video was known for having quite the variety of selections. Oswald had perused the gay erotica section a few times, but never had the guts to check anything out. 

"Who knows." Ivy grabbed a bag of Twizzlers, opening it with a dramatic sigh. "Soooo bored."

"You're gonna have to pay for that, missy," he teased before stealing a piece for himself.

"Duh. I'm not dumb enough to steal from Fish." Ivy bit into a piece of the red candy and began chewing, looking around the store as Oswald continued stocking. "So what are you up to this weekend?"

Oswald shrugged. "Nothing. You?"

"I fucked up my computer again, so I'm getting that fixed."

"Fun."

"Mmm, but it is. The repair guy is totally hot." Ivy stopped chewing and made a squeaking noise. "Ooh, speaking of hot. A certain someone just got out of his car...ooh, he's coming in!" Ivy gasped and grabbed Oswald's arm as the tiny bell above the main door chimed. "Oh my god, it's him. Your crush."

Oswald's face burned as he nearly dropped a box of Raisinets. "What?"

"You know who." Ivy poked Oswald with her index finger, making him jump. "Your crush, Oswald!"

_Which crush?_ Oswald wanted to ask. High school had only been over for a few months, but the memories of the guys in his class lingered. There was sexy bad boy Jerome Valeska, cute and nerdy Ed Nygma, and the gorgeous, popular Jim Gordon. None of them seemed to really notice Oswald while they attended GHS, but then, no one did, except Ivy.

"Ooooh, he's coming this way!" Ivy squealed and bounced a bit. "Oswald, he's looking right at you!"

Oswald scoffed. "Ivy, c'mon..."

"I'm serious!"

"Why would anyone..."

"Um, excuse me?"

Oswald's throat tightened as he heard the familiar voice. "Fuck," he whispered.

_Jim Gordon._ Stunning, athletic, salutatorian, perfect Jim Gordon. He was practically married to Barbara Kean, and only talked to Oswald a few times, when they were partnered in Chemistry class. The rest of the time, he was part of the group of jocks led by Harvey Bullock, who relentlessly teased Oswald about his limp and his mother and... everything. Oswald considered Jim an asshole by association. Still, he was unbelievably handsome and charming, and now he was here to make Oswald's life a living hell. 

"Um, hello?"

Ivy poked Oswald again, but he gritted his teeth and kept stocking candy. He didn't have to partake in this shit. High school was over and enrollment at Gotham University was only three months away. 

"Yes, hello! We'll be right with you!" Ivy turned and snatched a box of Cracker Jack out of Oswald's hands. "Go help him!" she hissed.

"You help him!" Oswald snapped, glaring up at her. "He'd probably rather talk to you anyway."

Ivy scoffed. "He hasn't taken his eyes off you since he saw you."

"He'll just make fun of me!"

"If he does, let me know and I'll...I'll poison him."

"...What?!"

"Just _go!_ "

"Oh my god!" Oswald threw a bag of cotton candy at her face and sullenly hobbled to the checkout counter, where Jim was waiting with what looked like a hopeful grin. Oswald wasn't having it. "Hello, can I help you?" he asked emotionlessly, keeping his gaze off and to the side to avoid those beautiful blue eyes.

"Oswald Cobblepot." Jim sounded delighted, like he'd just found the answer to a difficult problem. "I thought that was you! I didn't know you worked here!"

"Yup." Oswald looked down, trying to distract himself with the list of recent releases. "Is there something you needed...?"

"More like something I want."

The answer startled Oswald enough that he looked up into Jim's eyes. Oh, that was a mistake...there was something dark in those eyes, an intensity that made the pit of Oswald's stomach burn. "You want...?"

"Yeah." Jim grinned. "I guess I don't really _need_ to rent a movie, but I want to."

"By yourself?" Oswald blurted before he could stop himself.

Jim shrugged. "You heard, huh? Yeah, Barbara and I broke up."

"Oh." Oswald swallowed, feeling slightly dizzy. "Sorry."

"Thanks. But it's okay, we weren't good for each other. So, I'm on my own for now." He bit his lower lip, an unfairly distracting gesture. "So, um, since you're here, maybe you can help me out tonight?"

Oswald stared at him. "Help you out?"

"What can you recommend for a newly single guy looking for some fun?" Jim asked softly, leaning over the counter. Those broad shoulders and toned arms nearly made Oswald groan in lust. Fuck, Jim was hot. Bastard seemed to know it, too.

"Um, well. What are you in the mood for?" Oswald babbled, looking over Jim's chest and imagining himself bracing his hands against it, riding Jim to oblivion, both of them moaning, those huge hands holding onto Oswald's hips as he moved up and down, up and down...

"Something dark." Jim's eyes looked Oswald over, giving him a slight smirk. "Something different."

"Dark?" Oswald echoed faintly, still imagining Jim inside him.

"Mmm, yeah. Something mysterious, you know? Something..." Those blue eyes trailed over him again. "Something intense," Jim murmured.

Something crashed behind Oswald - Ivy eavesdropping and sending a few boxes of candy to the floor, no doubt - and it snapped Oswald back to reality. Jim Gordon was _not_ interested in him. The very idea was absurd. 

_Get a grip._

Oswald stepped back and cleared his throat. "Um. You're probably wanting something by Quentin Tarantino, or maybe Christopher Nolan?" Oswald suggested, turning to check his computer for recent returns as his face stopped burning. "Looks like we have some other things that might work for you, like Heathers or Blue Velvet."

"Oh. Um. Maybe." Jim stood up and drummed his fingers on the counter. "You know, I don't even have a membership here. Do you have a form, or...?"

"Yup." Oswald pulled out a blank membership form and a pen, sliding it over to the other man. "I know it seems like a lot of information, but..."

"It's fine," Jim said softly, placing his fingers over Oswald's. "Anything you need from me is fine." To Oswald's amazement, Jim gently caressed his knuckles with the tips of his fingers. "Anything you want."

Oswald took in a sharp breath and managed to pull himself away. "It's time for my break. Ivy can help you out with whatever else you want." He hurried to the back room, walking past a confused Ivy and an oblivious Jonathan Crane loitering in the Horror section. 

After pulling the door closed, Oswald nearly collapsed onto the sagging couch that often doubled as a bed for when employees wanted a nap. He rubbed his eyes and tried to breathe normally, cringing when it came out as a sob.

Oswald came out in junior high, and while Gotham was a diverse city, he still got some shit for it, mostly from Harvey and his group of flunkies. That meant being shoved to the ground in the hallways, remaining a welcome target for dodgeball, and having his locker etched with gay slurs. Life at GHS was hell, and now Jim Gordon with his perfect face and perfect body was here to mess with Oswald, just for kicks. 

"Fuck," Oswald muttered, and sniffed. How pathetic was he? Hiding in the back while that fucking asshole was probably out there laughing at him. "Fuck him."

"Hmmm, you might want to be more specific before I commit to such a _request_."

Oswald scrambled to his feet, his eyes wide as he watched Jerome Valeska emerge from the shadows. "What the fuck?!"

"Hello to you too." Jerome looked him over and smirked as he toyed with a videocassette. "Something bothering you, Ozzie?"

"This room is for employees only," Oswald spat.

"Mmm, but it's the perfect place for me to work."

"You don't work here!"

"Oh, but I do," Jerome purred, the sound making Oswald's heart quicken. Jerome was an oddball, that was for sure, but he was definitely hot and had that bad boy streak that made him even more alluring. He was tall, handsome, and had an amazing body that Oswald had secretly lusted over since freshman year of GHS. They'd spent a few afternoons in detention together, which led to Oswald having countless fantasies of Jerome throwing him on top of the teacher's desk and ruining him.

Jerome seemed to notice Oswald looking over his chest and his grin widened. He lifted his shirt a bit, showing off a muscular physique that made Oswald feel a bit dizzy. 

"You...um..."

"You all right there, Ozzie? Maybe you should lay down...get all nice and comfortable."

"What...um...wait, what do you mean you work here?" Oswald managed.

Something flashed in Jerome's eyes. "Mmm. Well, you could say I provide a service. I... _enhance_ the viewing experience with a little movie magic." Jerome wiggled his fingers in the air. "You should be thanking me."

"Thanking you for...for what?" Oswald looked behind Jerome and noticed that the two VCRs that were intended for rewinding were both on. "Are you...wait, are you editing the movies?"

"You're a quick one, Ozzie." Jerome winked and turned on the TV. A scene from When Harry Met Sally came on with Billy Crystal talking about his feelings, which suddenly led to the scene from Scanners where the guy's head blew up, then a porn scene that involved two men reaching a messy climax with the help of kitchen appliances. "What in the _fuck_?!"

Jerome cackled. "You like it?" 

"No!"

"Hmmm, you're right. It needs work." Jerome approached Oswald with a focused gaze, licking his lips as he got closer. "You could help me out," Jerome murmured, looking Oswald up and down. "I always thought you'd be interested in trying...different things."

"What?"

"You heard me, beautiful." Jerome ran his tongue over his teeth. "You wanna try some things with me? Gotta say, I've thought about it a few times. Mmm, maybe more than a few times."

Oswald stumbled back onto the couch, nearly jumping when Jerome leaned over and placed his hands on either side of him, effectively trapping him. "What kind of things?" his traitorous mouth babbled. 

"Mmm." Jerome giggled. "Maybe you could...show me around, after everyone else goes home?" 

"I don't...I can't do that. And you shouldn't be..."

"Doing bad things is fun, Ozzie," Jerome murmured, his breath ghosting over Oswald's neck. "You know that."

Oswald dug his hands into the arms of the couch. Having Jerome this close was getting him hard, and he shifted his legs to hide his growing erection. "I'm not into...weird porn..."

"You've got a lot to show me, though, don't you, Ozzie? So many things..." Jerome leaned in even closer, nearly pressing his lips against Oswald's ear. "Yeah, I want a tour, beautiful. Show me everything you've got...let me have a taste..."

"Pengy, get out here!" Ivy burst through the door with her pretty features twisted into a scowl. "He's waiting for you and...what the fuck? Jerome Valeska?"

"Well, hello, fellow red!" Jerome stood up and bowed dramatically. "I was just conversing with Mr. Cobblepot here. He's quite the cunning linguist, wouldn't you agree?"

"Dude, get out of here before I call the GCPD," she snapped. "And leave Oswald alone!"

"Mmm, now that is a request that I cannot abide." Jerome turned to Oswald and gave him a lecherous wink. "We'll talk later about that tour, Ozzie. I'd just _love_ to see everything you can show me."

"Out," Ivy commanded, holding the door open and pointing inside the store. 

Oswald watched as Jerome left, utterly confused. What did Jerome mean by letting him have a taste? Was he just messing with him?

"You too," Ivy stated. "Jim's been waiting and asking for you."

With a huff, Oswald got to his feet, smoothing his shirt and hair as he left. Jim Gordon was indeed waiting at the counter, watching with an unreadable expression as Oswald glanced at Jerome, who gave him another suggestive wink. 

"The fuck is going on," Oswald muttered to himself as he trudged to the counter. His face was burning again, and he felt like Jerome somehow left a mark on him. 

"Hey." Jim cleared his throat. "You, um, okay?"

"I'm fine," Oswald replied, taking Jim's completed membership form and setting it aside. "So, you can use a temporary pass tonight, and the next time you come in you'll have a card in your name."

"Okay." Jim glanced behind Oswald and narrowed his eyes. "So, does Jerome work here too, or...?"

"No, he snuck into the break room."

"Oh." Jim tapped his fingers in the counter. "So, are you two..."

Oswald paused, giving Jim a searching look. "Hmm?"

Jim frowned. "You and Jerome, are you...?"

"We're not anything," Oswald muttered, his stomach tightening. "I'm not with anyone right now."

"Really?" Jim's eyes widened a bit. _So blue._ Like the sky on a perfect, cloudless day. Stunning. Oswald felt something flutter in his chest, but was unable to look away. 

"Yeah, really. I'm not..."

"TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!"

Oswald nearly jumped out of his skin at the outburst coming from behind him. He whirled around to see Jonathan Crane glaring at him. "What in the hell!?"

"I have reserved a copy! The original terror-inducing tale of a group of young people who become prey to a cannibalistic..."

"Oh my god, here!" Oswald reached under the counter and thrust the movie at the wide-eyed teenager. "Just...take it! Jesus!"

"Seven days. I will return." Jonathan clutched the video to his chest and hurried out of the store into the night.

"Good god." Oswald turned to Jim, who was giving him an odd, searching look. "...Did you need something else?"

"Uh. No. But, um, will you process my form tonight?" Jim asked, his eyes still a bit wide.

Oswald fought back a sigh and nodded. "Sure."

Jim grinned. "Great. I guess I'll see you later, then?"

"You're not going to rent anything?"

"Next time." Jim looked him over again, giving him another smile, then left. 

"Oh my god." Ivy appeared at Oswald's side, giggling like a madwoman. "He's so into you!"

"Ha."

"Um, hello, it's obvious?" She snatched up Jim's membership form and gasped. "Oh my god, Pengy!"

"What? You are a psycho tonight," Oswald snapped, reaching down to clear out the return bin. Just one more hour, and he'd be free...

"He left you a note!" Ivy shoved the paper in front of Oswald's face, pointing at the space for contact information. Next to his cell phone number, Jim had indeed written a small note, in tiny, careful handwriting. 

**Hey Oswald -**

**I'm free this weekend, send me a text.  
**

Oswald's heart soared, but reality soon sunk in and he batted the paper away. "He's fucking with me."

"No, he wants to fuck you."

"Ivy, for the love of God..."

"Excuse me."

Oswald looked up and nearly squealed. A nervous, adorable, incredibly hot Ed Nygma was hovering by the counter, his eyes darting from Ivy to Oswald. 

It suddenly dawned on Oswald that all three of his major crushes from high school had shown up on the same night, like some sort of twisted version of A Christmas Carol. _You will be visited by three ghosts._ Was there a full moon tonight?

"Edward Nygma!" Ivy's exclamation brought Oswald back to reality. Mentally shaking himself, he watched as Ivy rushed over to Ed and gave him a hug that seemed to startle the air out of him. "Oh my God. Best math tutor ever! I never would have passed Calculus if it wasn't for you!"

"You're... welcome." Ed's face turned bright red as he noticed Oswald watching them with a grin. "Oswald...hello."

"Hello," Oswald said softly, his face heating up again. Ed was stunning, as usual, with those gorgeous lips and those cute glasses...an absolute dream. He'd had a crush on Ed for what felt like forever, and while they were on somewhat friendly terms, they weren't close. Certainly not as close as Oswald would have liked.

Ivy released Ed, making him slightly gasp for air. "What are you doing here?" she asked, then rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Dumb question. Here for a movie, right?"

"No, actually. I came here to inquire about an employment opportunity."

Oswald frowned. "You want to work _here_? Seriously?"

Ed's face seemed to fall, but he nodded. "Well. I enjoy entertainment, and my lab needs equipment, which is rather costly."

"You're hired!" Ivy proclaimed.

Oswald raised an eyebrow. "You don't have the authority, Ivy. Fish makes all hiring decisions."

"But we'll put in a good word, won't we, Pengy?" Ivy nudged Oswald, making him chuckle. 

"Of course!" Oswald took out his phone. "In fact, you can use me as a reference, if you want. I can give you my number."

Ed seemed to grow pale. "You...you'd give me your number?" 

Oswald blushed. "If you want..."

"Yes! Absolutely! I mean, sure." Ed took out his phone, his hands seeming to tremble a bit. "Would...would you like mine?"

"I'd love that," Oswald gushed, then cursed himself for sounding so eager. 

Ed beamed at him, causing a flutter in Oswald's chest that nearly took his breath away. _Beautiful._ He watched those long fingers tap on his phone and nearly giggled when Ed confirmed his number a few times before finalizing the entry. 

"So, um. Here." Oswald fumbled with an application and handed it over to Ed. "It's really long and stupid and you know...stuff."

"It's cool." Ed's face was bright red. He took the application and folded it quickly. "I'll do it later. At home. And I'll bring it back later. When, um, what times do you work...?"

"Mondays through Fridays, mostly. The occasional Sunday afternoon. I'm off this weekend, though." Oswald balled his hand into a fist, digging his nails into his palms. He was babbling like an idiot! "So, um, I'll be here Monday night, I'll see you then. Unless you're busy."

"I'll be here," Ed blurted, and cleared his throat. "I'll, um, make arrangements." 

"Fantastic. Excellent." Oswald forced himself to take a breath. "Um, have a good weekend."

"You too!" Ed gave him a tiny smile and a wave, then turned to Ivy. "Oh, and good to see you, Miss Pepper." He snuck another glance at Oswald, then hurried out of the store.

"Well, that was interesting." Ivy grinned knowingly at her friend. "Looks like Ed has a thing for you too."

Oswald sighed. "Don't be crazy, he's just a sweet guy."

"Aww, he was all nervous around you. So cute. And now you have his number!" 

"It's not a big deal." Oswald set his phone down so that he could check out an approaching couple with a stack of videos. Ivy was clearly out of her mind. The idea of anyone lusting after him was utterly deranged. 

Ivy snorted as Oswald waited on the couple, then helped with the final rush of customers before closing time finally arrived. Oswald looked around for Jerome, expecting him to jump out from behind a corner, but he seemed to be long gone. He'd clearly been messing with Oswald when he said he would stick around after closing. 

"Story of my life," Oswald muttered to himself, feeling both relieved and strangely disappointed. He hadn't seen Jerome again that evening, so he must've slipped out when Oswald was distracted. Luckily, no one had wanted to rent When Harry Met Sally, and Oswald realized with a groan that he'd have to check to make sure that Jerome didn't actually put out any copies of his bizarre creations. If Fish found out, she'd be livid. Either Oswald would have to check every movie in the store, which wasn't happening, or he'd have to find a way to get Jerome to tell him which movies were tainted. That involved contacting him, but Oswald had no idea how to do that. 

He'd deal with it Monday, Oswald decided as he and Ivy grabbed their jackets. If someone got one of those fucked up movies, he'd just blame the previous renter. 

Oswald went to grab his phone before they locked up, but it wasn't by the counter where he'd left it. Panic seized his gut until he saw Ivy holding it out to him with a knowing smirk.

"Here ya go, Pengy. I just needed to add a little something for you."

Oswald took his phone and frowned. "What, an app or something?"

"Nope. A phone number. Jim Gordon's, to be precise."

He scoffed and shoved the phone into his pocket. "Do not mess with my phone ever again!"

"Pengy, Jim likes you. And he's super hot, and you already have Ed's number, why not add another?"

Before Oswald could reply, his phone buzzed, nearly making him jump. No one ever texted him, except Ivy. With fumbling hands, Oswald opened his Messages app and stared at the text in shock. 

**_Had to leave early, Ozzie. I'll take a rain check for that tour...would love to see every inch of what you've got there. Hahaha._**

__

__

_**\- J**_

Oswald's jaw dropped. "Holy shit." The suggestive comment had his blood racing, but logistics won over for the time being. "Ivy, did you give Jerome my phone number?"

"What? No!"

"Then how did he..." Oswald groaned. "The break room, it has our contact info listed by the fridge. Fuck!" His phone buzzed again. "Shit, he sent another...oh. Oh, wait, this is from Ed."

_**It was good to see you tonight. I hope we'll get to work together soon.**_

"Let me see!" Ivy stood next to Oswald and read the message with a squeal. "Oh, he's adorable!"

"What should I say back?" Oswald fretted. "I have to respond!"

Ivy waved her hands around. "Um, tell him you look forward to seeing him again. Then a smiley face. No, a winky face!"

"Okay, okay. Oh my god, I'm doing it." Oswald giggled as he typed _Looking forward to seeing you again. ;) - OC_ , then pressed Send. "Okay, I...oh. Oh, fuck!"

"What? What? Did autocorrect fuck you up?"

"No!" Oswald groaned. "I accidentally sent that text to Jim Gordon!"

Ivy squealed again, clapping her hands. "Oh my God! You slut!"

"I am not a slut! This is all your fault! Fuck, he's typing something!" Oswald watched in hope and dismay as three bubbles appeared and disappeared. "What if he...oh."

**_I'd love to see you again too. ;) You mentioned being free this weekend - Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?_ **

"Oh my fucking god." Oswald grabbed his friend's arm to steady himself. "I think...I think Jim Gordon just asked me out on a date."

Ivy's excited scream could have woken the dead.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well?"

Oswald lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind was still racing from Jim's text, and he kept checking it to make sure it was real. Ivy had begged him to reply immediately, but Oswald had refused, telling her he needed to think. Predictably, she'd called him as soon as she got home, ready to lecture him. "No, I haven't replied to Jim yet."

"Pengy! It's been, like, half an hour! He's going to think you're not interested!"

"What if this is all a trick?" Oswald blurted. "Jim Gordon asking me on a date? It's absurd."

Ivy scoffed. "I hate that you don't know how hot you are."

Oswald nearly choked. "What?"

"You are! Seriously, if you were into girls, I'd be trying to get into your pants. You've got a sexy smile..."

"Oh, shut up. I don't go around smiling all the time like an idiot."

"I've seen you smile, Pengy! Plus you're hot when you're scowling and brooding, you've got gorgeous eyes, a cute nose..."

"My nose is huge!"

"It's adorable," Ivy snapped, "and so are you. So get over yourself and respond to him or I swear that I'll make your life a living hell!"

Oswald rolled his eyes. "What would I even say?"

"Just tell him the truth, that you like him."

"Uh, no."

"Well, you can't just ignore him!"

"I'm not trying to...oh, fuck!" Oswald balled his hand into a fist and smacked his head. "I never texted Ed! Oh my god!"

"Aww, poor Eddie." 

"What do I do?"

"Text him, genius." Ivy hummed. "Tell Ed that you're thinking of him. With a smiley face!"

"Okay, yeah..." Oswald typed _Thinking of you :)_ and sent it with a sigh. "Okay, so that's...oh, goddamn it!"

"What, what?"

Oswald whimpered. "I accidentally sent that text to Jerome!"

Ivy snorted. "Dude, you are a whore."

"I am not! Oh, fuck me, Jerome's sending me something..."

"It's probably going to be something bizarre," Ivy sniffed. "He's goddamn weird, even for our standards."

"He's intense, that's for sure, but...holy fucking hell!"

"What what what?"

"Jerome sent me a picture." Oswald stared at his screen in shock.

A loud shriek almost made Oswald drop his phone. "Holy shit, did Jerome Valeska send you a dick pic?!"

"No, but he's...not wearing much." Jerome was lying in his own bed, red sheets tangled around his muscular body. The camera was pointed at his bare chest, his free hand down his sweatpants and clearly grabbing himself. Oswald stared at the pale exposed skin, the toned muscles, and oh fuck, was that a tattoo of a jester's cap on his hip? "I, um. Uh."

"Do not reply to him!"

Oswald nodded dumbly. "Yup. Totally."

"The hell? Earth to Oswald!"

"Yeah. I mean... oh fuck, Ed!" He grunted in frustration. "I'm done with texting! That's it. I'm calling Ed now."

"And then you'll text Jim?"

"Yes, fine!"

Ivy whooped. "Do it baby! You've got this!" She made him promise to keep her updated, then hung up so he could make his call. 

Oswald took a deep breath, then pulled up Ed's name in his contacts list. He looked at the time and paused. It was nearly ten o'clock, probably too late. Plus it wasn't like Ed was interested, he was just being friendly. 

But he'd sent Oswald a message, and the idea of Ed feeling ignored gave Oswald a dull pang in his chest. No, he needed to contact him, and at this point he didn't trust himself to text anything to anybody.

_Fuck it,_ Oswald figured, and pressed the call button. 

The phone rang, and rang, and Oswald was about to give up when a breathless Ed answered. "Hello?"

"Hello!" Oswald said brightly, then winced. God, he sounded like an idiot. "Um. Hi. It's Oswald. Oswald Cobblepot. I wanted to call you. To say hello."

"Hello." Ed sounded pleased rather than confused or amused. "I wasn't sure if you were going to respond to my message. I thought I might have been bothering you."

"You could never bother me! I like you." Oswald blurted, then cringed. "I liked hearing from you, I mean."

"Really?" Ed sounded awed. "That's...that's wonderful."

A shy silence settled over them, and Ed cleared his throat. "Well. I do hope we'll be seeing more of each other. At the video store, I mean."

"Definitely. I'm sure you'll get hired. Fish will love you."

"You think so?" Ed asked softly. "She is quite the businesswoman. I admire her a great deal."

"Me too." 

A shy silence settled over them until Ed coughed. "I...I admire you a great deal as well, Oswald. That is to say that I...well. You inspired me, actually." Ed coughed again. "I, um. Came out to my family this summer." 

Oswald almost dropped his phone. "You're...?"

"Bisexual. But I...prefer men." 

"Oh. Wow." 

"Did I shock you?"

"I'm speechless." Oswald grinned. "How were your parents?"

"They suspected. But they were great." Ed chuckled. "I think they're afraid of me."

"Because you like guys?"

"No, it's...uh, a bit complicated."

"Oh." Oswald bit his lip. "I really inspired you?"

"Absolutely. You're so fearless, Oswald."

"...Fearless? Me?" 

"Yes. You never apologize for being yourself. It is quite the admirable trait. I wish I could be as brave, but..." 

Oswald felt a strange warmth in his chest. "You are, Ed."

Ed scoffed. "I'm not, really."

"Yes, you are. You never pretended to be someone else to try to fit in. And you came out to your family; that's incredible. And you're brilliant, and funny, and interesting..." Oswald winced when he realized that he was babbling. "But, um, you know all that. And it's late, you need your rest. Sleep is important."

"...Yes. I don't want to keep you up. I mean, derive you of sleep. You should go to bed. I, ah, mean that...you deserve rest." Ed sighed. "I apologize, it is rather late. I fear that I'm not making sense."

"It's okay." Oswald grinned. "We'll talk this weekend, when we're more awake."

"Definitely. Yes."

Oswald managed not to giggle. "Goodnight, Ed."

"Goodnight, Oswald."

Oswald hung up, his stomach in knots. Ed was an absolute sweetheart. And to think he credited Oswald with giving him the courage to come out to his parents...

But that wasn't flirting, it was just being kind and honest. As far as Jerome and Jim were concerned, who knew what their endgame was. Ivy seemed to think that all these men were lusting after him, and that was just absurd.

Oswald plugged in his phone and trudged to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. It felt more than earned. He took a shot of whiskey to ease his nerves, exhaling as the alcohol burned down his throat. 

_"You're so fearless, Oswald."_

"Ha," Oswald muttered, and poured another shot. He knew he was a lot of things, but he'd never thought of himself as fearless. Strange, yes, but fearless?

Oswald scoffed. Ed was just being his regular sweet self. There was nothing fearless about being alone.

He took another shot and sighed. Between Jim's text and Jerome's picture and Ed's confession that he preferred men, Oswald was eager to numb his mind a bit. Clearly Jim was just fucking with him, and Ed was just being kind, and Jerome was...well. Jerome was Jerome. And that picture was...

"Fuck," Oswald muttered, and poured himself a proper glass. After settling onto the couch, whiskey in hand, Oswald stared at his reflection in the television, watching himself drink. 

Ivy was crazy. He wasn't sexy, not like Jim, Jerome, or Ed. Oswald was interesting, he'd give himself that much, but hot? No one thought that, not really. His mother had always told him he was handsome, but he knew better. He'd been called a freak his whole life, and by now, he knew it to be true. Oswald Cobblepot was a freak, a weirdo, and a creep, destined to be alone for the rest of his life. If he managed to actually inspire Ed, that would be the only decent thing he'd ever done. 

Oswald snorted and finished his whiskey with a single gulp. James Gordon. Sexy, beloved, impossible James Gordon. Asking him on a date. 

Preposterous.

It was a joke, all of it. Mess with the freak, see how far you can push him. Make him feel wanted. See what he does.

"People will underestimate you, Oswald," Fish told him once during a performance review. She'd smirked and pointed a perfectly manicured nail at him. "Let that be their downfall."

Oswald got up, a bit wobblier than before, and headed into his bedroom. "Laugh at the Penguin," he muttered to himself as he grasped for his phone. "Laugh all you want..." 

Jim had sent another text. **_If tomorrow doesn't work, would there be a better time for us to get together?_**

Oswald grunted and fell onto his bed, typing furiously. _**Not funny . You are not funny**_

Jim's reply was quick. **_?????_**

**_You think I forgot ? Didn't. Forget how you treated me in high school_ **

**_What??? Oswald, I never made fun of you once. I always liked you. Harvey's a friend but he can be a jackass sometimes._ **

Oswald snorted. "Sometimes?"

Jim kept typing. **_I'm so sorry if he hurt you. I'll get him to apologize._**

**_No thank you . tell him I said fuck you_ **

**_Now that I am definitely going to do. Should I record his reaction? :)_ **

Oswald laughed despite himself. **_Yesss. I want to see that_**

Jim typed a quick reply. **_Your wish is my command. But in all seriousness, let me buy you dinner. I want to take you out._**

"Good god." Oswald grunted and tried to text but his finger slipped and he pressed the call button instead. "Oh, for..."

The phone barely rang before Jim answered. "Oswald?" Jim's voice was soft, almost tentative. 

"I don't want your pity," Oswald blurted. 

"Pity? Oswald, I don't pity you. My god." Jim took a deep breath. "We never really got to know each other in high school, and when I saw you today, I just..."

"What?" Oswald demanded. "Wanted to reminisce about the good old days?"

"No, I wanted you."

The confession stunned Oswald into silence.

"I've always noticed you," Jim continued. "And I'm sorry I didn't do anything sooner, I just thought you wouldn't want to be seen with a guy like me."

"Like you?" Oswald echoed dully.

Jim sighed. "Yeah. You know, boring."

Oswald frowned. "You think you're boring?"

"Compared to you? Definitely!" Jim laughed nervously. "But I do like you, Oswald. I want to get to know you better."

Oswald held the phone to his chest. This didn't feel like a joke. It was too elaborate, too...real.

"Oswald?"

Closing his eyes, Oswald lifted to the phone to his ear. "I'm here."

"Oh, good." Jim paused. "So..."

Oswald took a deep breath. "I'd love to."

"Really? Great!" Jim cleared his throat. "So, um, does tomorrow work for you?"

"Yeah." Oswald shook his head. Was this actually happening?

"Would five o'clock be good, or would later be better?"

"Umm..." Oswald rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, I had a bit to drink, and I'm not really focused..."

"That's okay," Jim soothed. "It is kind of late."

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't reply sooner..."

"No, it's fine. I'm just glad you did. Really glad." 

"Me too." Oswald shook himself. This was far too surreal and he was really starting to struggle to stay awake. "I'm going to sleep now."

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow afternoon?"

"Sure. Yup." Oswald managed to hang up and was setting his phone on his nightstand when it buzzed again. "What now?"

It was another text from Jim. **_Goodnight, Oswald. See you tomorrow._**

×××××××××

The next morning, Oswald woke up to the sound of banging on his front door. "Open up, Pengy! I have coffee and breakfast, and you owe me details!"

"Ugh." Oswald shuffled out of bed to get dressed. How he became best friends with a morning person baffled him to no end. 

Ivy bounced into his home after he opened the door. "Morning, sunshine!" She handed him an iced coffee and a small bag. "Here. I got you an almond croissant, your favorite, so you can eat up, get caffeinated and tell me everything."

Oswald smiled blearily and collapsed onto his couch. "I talked to Ed. Then I got drunk and texted Jim, and we ended up talking on the phone. He's calling me later, we're going out tonight." He bit into the croissant and smirked at her astonished expression. 

"Holy shit, Pengy!"

"I know."

"Unreal." Ivy bit her lip. "So where's Jim taking you?"

"I have no idea."

"I'll bet it's someplace romantic." Ivy grinned at her friend knowingly. "So. You gonna fuck him on the first date?"

Oswald nearly spit out his coffee. "What... what the hell kind of question is that?"

"Jim Gordon's hot as fuuuck," Ivy sang. "And he wants you, Pengy."

"You're crazy."

"No, I'm awesome. And I come bearing more gifts!" She reached into her purse and tossed a small box at him.

Oswald caught it, and read the label in shock. "'The Pleasure Pack'? What in the fuck is this?"

"Condoms and lube! I got the variety pack, extra large, because you know Jim Gordon is packing. And I'll bet you are too, mister."

Oswald stared at her. "I...I have no words."

"You're welcome!" 

He shook his head, then jumped when his phone buzzed. "I'm getting a call...oh shit, it's Jim." Oswald squinted at his phone. "Fuck, it's only nine thirty!"

"He can't wait to talk to you!" Ivy squealed. "Put him on speaker!"

"Fuck no! You be quiet, missy!" Oswald pointed a warning finger at her and answered the call. "Hello, Jim?"

"Hey." Jim voice was soft and hesitant. "Am I calling too early?"

"No, you're fine, I'm just..." Oswald stumbled onto his bedroom. Ivy skipped in after him and stuck her tongue out when he glared at her. "I just finished breakfast."

"Good, I didn't wake you. So, um, I was thinking, if you like Italian food we can go to Maroni's or Falcone's, or we can try that new French place. Or do you have something else in mind?"

"I, um..."

Ivy held up her phone so that Oswald could see her typed message. **_Pick something expensive! Make him earn that ass!_**

Oswald rolled his eyes. "What in the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded. 

Her jaw dropped, and Oswald nearly screamed as he realized his mistake. 

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," Jim stammered. "We don't have to do European! What do you like?"

"No! No, sorry, I wasn't talking to you, Jim, I, uh, got a news notification on my phone about Mayor Loeb and he's an idiot. But dinner anywhere would be great." 

"Oh. Yeah, definitely, Mayor Loeb is the worst. Corrupt as they come. But, okay, how about Le Chevalier Noir? It's supposed to have French and Mediterranean food."

"Le Chevalier Noir sounds fantastic." Oswald turned his back on Ivy, who started dancing around his room. "I'll text you my address."

"Great. I'll see you later, then." Jim's voice softened again. "I can't wait."

"Me too." Oswald blushed. "See you later." After he was sure Jim hung up, he whirled around and beamed at his friend. "It's a date."

"Yes! Go Pengy!" Ivy squealed and gave him a bone crunching hug. "Oh my god! Le Chevalier Noir is supposed to be amazing and romantic as fuck! He's totally crazy about you!"

"Okay, okay, I need to remain calm." Oswald took a deep breath. "What am I going to wear?"

It took most of the morning and the afternoon, but once they confirmed that the restaurant had a dress code, Oswald put together a combination that he felt was appropriate - black suit, purple shirt, and an ornate purple and gold tie. 

"And you don't think you're hot." Ivy shook her head as she looked him over. "Tragic. You are ridiculously sexy, Pengy."

Oswald stared at himself in the mirror. He loved dressing up, but didn't often have the opportunity for it. Fish had always told him that a sense of style could almost be used as a weapon to disarm one's opponents. "I think this will work."

"Oh, for sure. Jim's gonna flip." Ivy grinned. "Okay, I'm gonna get out of your hair, but call me if you need me! And have fun and be safe!"

"I promise." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

"Anytime, love." Ivy put her phone in her purse. "Now I get to go home and get that computer repair guy to search my modem, if you know what I mean."

"...I really don't."

"Eh, neither do I."

×××××××××

Oswald showered, changed into his suit and fixed his hair, then put on the local news to try to distract himself. Jim was picking him up in thirty minutes, and Ivy had promised Oswald that she'd destroy everything Jim owned if he was late or if he stood Oswald up.

On the TV Thomas Wayne was babbling about some foundation he was starting, and Oswald nearly changed the channel when his phone buzzed with a text.

**_What's nowhere, but everywhere except where something is? (It's a riddle) :)_ **

"The fuck?" Oswald stared at his screen. "Uhh..."

Before he could reply, Oswald got another text that was definitely not from Ed. **_Whatcha up to, birdy? Want me to visit your nest? Hahahaha_**

Oswald groaned. "What is happening...?" With great concentration, Oswald replied to Ed's riddle saying that he stumped him, but would try to get an answer to him by tomorrow, and told Jerome that he was going out and not to fuck with anymore movies.

Jerome's reply was quick. **_Mmm, what should I fuck with, then? I've got a confession, Ozzie...I've been a bad boy..._**

"Oh my fucking...ah!" Oswald jumped as his doorbell rang. "Shit!" He scrambled to the door and looked through the peephole to see Jim nervously fixing his hair. "Oh god. He's here." Gathering all his courage, Oswald took a deep breath and reached for the door.


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Oswald opened the door, Jim stopped messing with his hair and gave him a nervous smile. "Hey," he said softly, and looked Oswald up and down. "Wow. You look amazing."

"You..." Oswald stared at his date in near shock. Jim was wearing a black suit, a black shirt, and a dark blue tie that brought out the color of his eyes. "You look incredible." 

Jim grinned. "Thanks." 

Oswald shook his head. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? Please, come in." He stepped aside so Jim could enter and nearly moaned at the smell of his date's cologne. It was enticing, sexy and a bit dark, not unlike the man wearing it. 

Once he was inside, Jim reached into his pocket and took out his phone. "I, um, have something to show you." He stood next to Oswald and pulled up a video. Jim pressed play and the smug, punchable face of Harvey Bullock filled the screen.

"Hey, Harvey. Got a message for you from Oswald Cobblepot," Jim announced in the audio. 

Harvey snorted. "Oh yeah? What is it?"

"Fuck you," Jim replied, and threw an open beer can at his face.

"Shit!" Harvey shrieked, and stood in shock as the beer dripped off his clothes. He stared agape at Jim, whose laughter was making the camera shake. "Dude! What in the fuck?"

"Holy shit." Oswald giggled and looked at Jim in awe. "You really did it."

"Yup. He was pissed, but got over it." Jim shrugged and put his phone away. "Had to defend your honor, right?"

Oswald looked away, unable to hide his blush. "You didn't have to do that. But thank you."

"No problem." Jim looked around Oswald's house with interest. "You've got a really nice place."

"Thank you. The house has been in my dad's family for generations. I need to fix it up a bit though...give it a modern touch." Oswald bit his lip. He had to stop babbling. "But, um, you know, it's home."

"It's fantastic. I love these types of houses, they have so much character." Jim looked Oswald over again, his gaze steady and affectionate. "It suits you."

"You're too kind." Oswald blushed. 

Jim ran his tongue over his lower lip. "Well. Um, I suppose we should go eat."

"Oh, yes. That would be lovely."

It felt surreal, getting into Jim Gordon's car, and Oswald nervously tapped his fingers on his knees as they headed to the restaurant. "So, um. Are you going to GU?"

"Yup. Gonna major in Criminal Justice. How about you?"

"Double major. Business and Psychology."

"Damn, double major. That's badass."

Oswald shrugged. "Maybe I'm being presumptuous."

"Nah, you can do it. You will do it. You're smart, hard-working, creative...you'll be amazing." Jim smiled to himself. "I remember that presentation you did freshman year, in Life Studies class, when we had to come up with a business plan?"

"I do. You chose a bounty hunter profession, if memory serves correct."

Jim laughed. "Yeah. But yours was amazing. The Iceberg Lounge."

Oswald smirked. The class had snickered at him when he'd presented the idea of a nightclub, but he'd worked hard on his project, thinking of everything from the design, the security, membership perks, and interesting features like secret VIP rooms and special effects to transport clubgoers to another time and place. By the end of his presentation, the class was enthralled and a few students even approached him afterwards to ask if he knew of any existing places that echoed his vision. "Funny that you mention it. It's what I'm going to school for...I want to make the Iceberg Lounge a reality."

"Holy shit, really? Here in Gotham?"

"Where else?"

"Awesome." Jim flashed him a grin. "I hope I get an invite to the grand opening."

Oswald laughed softly. "Well, you did throw a drink at Harvey Bullock's face...I suppose could squeeze you in."

Something unreadable flickered across Jim's expression, and Oswald inwardly groaned at his unintended double entendre. His phone buzzed, and he sighed and took it out. "Sorry. It's probably Ivy. I'll just...whoa."

Jerome was clearly bored, because he'd sent another picture - he was clad in a towel that barely hung onto his hips, droplets of water beading on his pale skin. 

A text arrived a moment later. **_Could have used a helping hand in the shower...maybe next time hahahaha_**

"Jesus Christ," Oswald groaned.

"Everything okay?" Jim asked, frowning in concern. 

"Oh! Um. Yeah. It, uh, it's actually not Ivy." Oswald scrambled to close the message and clicked on Ed's latest text. "It's, um, a riddle."

"A riddle?"

"Yeah. From Ed Nygma."

"Oh yeah, I remember him. How is he?"

"He's great." A soft thud in Oswald's ribcage at the thought of Ed seemed traitorous, and Oswald tried to ignore the wave of guilt that followed. "He might be working with me and Ivy at the video store soon."

"Cool. What's the riddle?"

Oswald looked down at the message and smiled to himself. "What's nowhere, but everywhere except where something is?"

"Hmm." Jim furrowed his brow. "Nothing. The answer's nothing."

"Nothing is nowhere, nothing is everywhere...I'll just take your word for it." Oswald turned off his phone, not wanting to chance getting another racy picture from Jerome to distract him. 

The restaurant was busy, but Jim charmed his way into getting them a mostly secluded table. Oswald offered to split the bill after seeing the menu, but Jim refused. 

"I'm taking you out, remember?" He winked. "Trust me, it's okay."

"All right." Oswald sipped at his water. "It's too bad we can't have wine with this."

"We're underage."

Oswald snorted. "And?"

Jim shrugged. "The law's the law." 

Oswald playfully rolled his eyes. "I know you partake in alcohol."

Jim smirked. "Guess that makes me bad, huh?"

"A few six packs of beer does not make you a heathen. I, on the other hand, have an assortment of drinks at my home."

"Hmm." Jim's eyes shone with mischief. "Maybe I should take you in, since I'm majoring in criminal justice."

Oswald snickered. "Sure. Let me have dinner and dessert, then you can handcuff me."

Jim's breath hitched and Oswald's mind went blank as he tried to think of something else to say to cover up his blunder. Before he could try to respond, a pretty young server appeared and beamed at both of them. 

"Bonjour, my name is Amélie, I am here to assist you. What can we prepare for you two messieurs this evening?"

Oswald watched Jim order his dinner and shook himself. He was an adult, for God's sake, and he was allowed to enjoy himself. He needed to relax. 

"And you, Monsieur?"

"Canard l'orange, s'il vous plaît." Oswald smiled at the woman as he handed her the menu, and noticed her resulting blush.

"Merci, Monsieur," she murmured, and hurried away. 

Jim grinned at him. "I think she likes you."

"She's just being sweet. Maybe she's shy."

"Or she thinks you look absolutely amazing tonight." Jim's expression softened. "Because you do."

"Thank you." Oswald ducked his head and looked up at his date through his lashes. "You really look quite handsome yourself."

"You're sweet." Jim looked down at the table and moved his hand closer to Oswald's. "I'm so glad you let me take you out. I was afraid you'd tell me to go to hell."

"And why would I do that?" Oswald asked, moving his hand closer. 

Jim stroked Oswald's fingertips. "I was afraid you hated me."

"I could never hate you," Oswald said truthfully. He reached out to take Jim's hand, his heart jumping at the feel of his skin. "I'm sorry that I misjudged you."

"I'm just glad we're here now." Jim squeezed his hand. 

They stared at each other for a few moments, holding hands and letting a comfortable silence settle over them. Jim caressed the back of Oswald's hand with his thumb and Oswald nearly shivered. 

"Is this all right?" Jim asked softly.

Oswald nodded, giving Jim's hand a gentle squeeze.

Jim's lips parted and he stared unabashedly at the other man. "You're gorgeous, you know that?"

"Jim..." Oswald took a deep breath. "I..." He shook his head, speechless. 

"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable. I just can't believe I finally got to take you out on a date." Jim smiled. "Sorry. I'm babbling like an idiot."

"No, you're...you're perfect." Oswald blushed. "I'm sorry, I'm not very articulate myself tonight."

"You're wonderful," Jim soothed, and gently caressed his knuckles. "So wonderful."

"Messieurs? Vos entrées." Amélie appeared and Oswald flushed, taking back his hand so she could set their dinners down. 

"Thank you," Oswald managed.

"Please enjoy," she replied, and gave him a knowing smile before she left. 

Jim chuckled. "Yup, she likes you."

×××××××××

Dinner was wonderful. The food was exquisite, and the conversation flowed freely as they talked about high school, Gotham, and their plans for the future. Jim was fully invested in becoming a detective, and even had his eyes on becoming captain or even commissioner.

Oswald nodded. "I can see that. Commissioner Gordon...it's got a nice ring to it."

"What about you?" Jim asked. "Becoming a man of business, a pillar of the community?"

"Something like that." Oswald smiled to himself. "I have some ideas on how to run things."

Jim raised an eyebrow, but before he could reply, Amélie reappeared to take their plates and hand them dessert menus. 

"I will give messieurs time to decide," she promised before leaving. 

Jim got up and smoothed his shirt. "I'm going to run to the restroom real quick. Would you mind ordering me a coffee?"

"Sure. You don't want any dessert?"

Jim shrugged. "I'm good, but if you see something you like, go for it."

"Will do."

Oswald waited until he left, then took out his phone to send Ivy an update. He sent a quick message that everything was going great so far, then remembered Jim had come up with an answer for Ed's riddle. He replied to Ed with the answer just as Amélie returned. 

After ordering coffee and a slice of dark chocolate gâteau, Oswald saw that he'd received five texts. Two were from Ivy, with the first being a keyboard smash of emoticons and texts, followed by a more coherent message begging for details tomorrow. The third message was from Jerome.

**_What's the difference between a moan and a scream? About three inches! Hahahaha.....I bet I can make you scream, Pengy._ **

Oswald's face flushed, but he quickly recovered. It was obvious that Jerome wasn't going away quietly. Oswald replied that he was on a date and moved to the next two messages, which were from Ed. 

**_Correct! The answer's nothing. :D_ **

**_Without fingers I point, without arms I strike, without feet I run. What am I?_ **

Oswald frowned. "Umm...huh."

"Everything okay?" Jim asked as he returned to his seat.

"Oh, sorry, was just checking messages. Your answer was right by the way, for Ed's riddle. He sent another one, but I have no idea what the answer is." Oswald put his phone away, not wanting to be rude to his date.

"Ed's a nice guy. We were partnered up for debate class a couple of times, and the guy is a bona fide genius."

"Well, you don't get to be valedictorian by being dense." 

"True."

Amélie returned with their coffees and chocolate cake with two forks, giving them a wink. "To share. Bon appetit."

"Now you have to try it," Oswald teased.

Jim grinned. "Maybe I will. You first."

"Fair enough." Oswald took a bite and moaned. "Oh my god, it's so good..." He looked up to see Jim watching him with an intense expression. Feeling bold, Oswald gathered some cake on his fork and offered it to him. "Have a taste," he murmured.

Jim leaned forward and took the fork in his mouth, maintaining eye contact with Oswald the entire time. Oswald slid the fork past his lips and brought it to his own mouth, giving it a few long licks. "Good?" he asked playfully.

"Mmm." Jim looked him over and then looked around the restaurant, giving Amélie a subtle gesture for the check.

×××××××××

The ride back to Oswald's house was quiet at first; Jim seemed slightly tense, and Oswald's mind was racing over possible outcomes to the date. Should he invite Jim inside? It seemed presumptuous, but Jim was definitely attracted to him, and Oswald was more than ready to take the next step.

Would he be having sex tonight?

"What was the riddle?" Jim asked suddenly.

Oswald frowned. "Um, what?"

"The new riddle Ed sent you."

"Oh!" Oswald took out his phone and read the message. "Without fingers I point, without arms I strike, without feet I run. What am I?"

"Hmm. Not sure about that one...wait." Jim snapped his fingers. "A clock."

"You're probably right." Oswald sent the answer before turning off his phone and putting it away. "You're very clever, James Gordon."

"I have my moments." 

"So modest. Our class salutatorian..."

Jim laughed. "I just have a good memory. It comes in handy sometimes." He glanced at Oswald. "I actually remember the first time I saw you."

"...You do?"

"Yeah. Freshman orientation at Gotham High, during the tour. You left the group and wandered off on your own."

Oswald's shoulders slumped at the memory. He'd been teased about his limp all that morning, and as soon as the tour guide was distracted, he'd decided to explore GHS on his own.

"I left the group to look for you," Jim continued. "I, uh...I thought you were really cute and figured I'd introduce myself. I looked everywhere. You weren't in the classrooms, the science lab, or anywhere else I could think of. Then I noticed that the door to the gym was propped open." Jim smiled. "You were standing in the middle of the gym looking around. You left before I could get the courage to say hello."

"Yes." Oswald scowled. "I remember."

"What were you doing there?" Jim asked as he pulled into Oswald's driveway. "I never got to ask you."

Oswald clenched his teeth. "I knew I'd be teased mercilessly in gym class, so I figured I'd familiarize myself with what I knew would become a hated place. And I was right."

Jim turned off his car before turning to give him a sorrowful look. "I know high school was hard for you. I told the guys to leave you alone, but clearly I should have done more. I'm sorry."

Oswald's eyes widened. "You told your friends not to make fun of me?"

"Yeah. Harvey doesn't listen well, obviously. But I talked to him after the video this morning. He knows I'm here with you...and he knows that if he ever says anything bad about you again, then he and I are going to have a very serious discussion. One involving my fist in his face." Jim's gaze was intense. "I mean it, Oswald. I'll do anything."

"Anything?" Oswald asked softly.

Jim's breath hitched. "Yes."

"I'm going to hold you to that." Oswald whispered. 

Jim's gaze softened. "Thank you again for letting me take you out."

"This was nice." Oswald blushed. "I had a good time."

"Me too." Jim hesitated. "Can I see you again?"

Oswald grinned. "I'd like that."

"Great." Jim took a deep breath. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered.

"Yes," Oswald murmured.

Jim nodded and leaned over, cupping Oswald's face in his hand before tilting his head and gently pressing their lips together. The kiss was soft, sweet, and over far too soon for Oswald's tastes. He leaned forward, capturing Jim's mouth again and parted his lips, hoping Jim would take the hint. 

With a low moan, Jim slipped his tongue inside Oswald's mouth. Oswald moaned in response, reaching up to gently run his fingers down the back of Jim's neck. 

Jim broke the kiss with a gasp. "Fuck." He looked Oswald over and leaned forward again, kissing him with abandon as his hands ran over his shoulders and back. 

Acting purely on instinct, Oswald carefully maneuvered himself out of his seat and onto Jim's lap, earning him a grunt of surprise from the other man. Oswald pulled away, resting his hands on Jim's chest. "Is this okay?" His stomach gave a little flip at the smoldering look he got in return.

"God yes." Jim held onto his hips and caressed his sides as Oswald kissed down his neck and breathed in his cologne. He moaned at Jim's touch and grinded down on his lap, and the noise that Jim made in response made Oswald feel more than a little light-headed. 

"Do you want to come inside?" Oswald whispered into Jim's mouth, rolling his hips again.

Jim tightened his hold on Oswald's body. "Ask me that again," he moaned.

Oswald grinned and placed a soft kiss on Jim's forehead, making him sigh. "Do you want..." Another soft kiss, on his nose..." To come..." Then another kiss, gentle but teasing, on the lips. "...Inside?"

"Fuck." Jim pulled Oswald down for a bruising kiss, his hands everywhere, grabbing and pulling as if he was drowning. "Yes," he gasped, and fumbled for the car door. 

They managed to get out of the car and found themselves at Oswald's door, Jim kissing at the other man's neck as Oswald fumbled with the keys. He shoved the door open as soon as he was able to and pulled Jim inside. Jim slammed the door shut and locked it, then reached for Oswald and kissed him as they made their way to the bedroom. Oswald's hands were shaking as he pulled at Jim's clothes and his own, fumbling with buttons until they reached the bed and he nearly fell backwards onto it. Jim nearly tore off his Oswald's shirt and his own, then crawled on top of Oswald and kissed at his neck as he began grinding against him.

"Oh god." Oswald needed Jim Gordon like he needed air. He pulled at him a bit more frantically, nearly whimpering when Jim sat up and placed his hand on Oswald's belt. 

"Can I...?" he asked softly.

Oswald nodded, his heart bearing a desperate rhythm. "Please...I want to feel you." He watched as Jim unfastened his belt, his brow furrowed in concentration. A sudden memory came to Oswald, long hidden away - Chemistry class, a lab assignment, Jim measuring liquids with that same careful determination, standing so close to him that Oswald could smell the soap on his skin. At the time, it had been almost cruelly enticing, a reminder of an intimacy they didn't have.

"Oswald?" Jim asked softly, bringing him back to the present. "Everything okay?"

Oswald nodded, his mouth going dry when Jim slowly slid his zipper down, relieving the pressure on his aching erection. Jim ran his fingertips over Oswald's stomach, which jumped at the touch. 

"Do you want me to stop?" Jim whispered. 

"No." Oswald shivered. "More, please."

Jim hooked his fingers into Oswald's underwear, pulling it down to expose him. Oswald's breath hitched, but Jim quickly leaned down to kiss him and nuzzle at his neck. 

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, and sat up again to pull Oswald's pants past his hips, being extra cautious with his bad leg. 

Oswald lifted his hips and kicked his clothes to the floor. He was now completely naked, on full display under Jim's intense gaze. Jim leaned down and kissed him again, caressing his cheek soothingly as he stroked his hair. He kissed down Oswald's neck, nuzzling against him as he breathed him in. "Can I touch you?" 

Oswald nodded, unable to speak.

Jim cupped his cheek and leaned forward, giving him a slow, soothing kiss. His hand trailed from Oswald's face to his neck, then down to his chest and rested on his stomach, pausing when Oswald took a deep breath. "You okay?"

Oswald nodded. "Yeah."

Jim gently massaged his stomach and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. "If you want me to stop, tell me. It's okay."

"I will. But I don't want you to stop." Oswald reached up and stroked Jim's hair. "Keep going," he whispered. 

Jim kissed him again and slowly moved his hand down until he wrapped it around Oswald's erection, giving him a few gentle strokes.

"Oh fuck!" Oswald lifted his hips into the touch, his cock already leaking onto Jim's fingers. Jim pressed his thumb against the head of his cock and rubbed it, coaxing more precum to ooze onto his fingers as Oswald whimpered. 

Jim breathed deeply, releasing Oswald's erection to reach under his leg, then further back until his fingertips brushed against his backside. "Is this okay?" 

"Yes." Oswald could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. "Oh god..."

"Can I touch you? Inside?" Jim whispered, and Oswald's cock jerked at the thought. 

"Oh god yes," Oswald nearly sobbed. He spread his legs and lifted his hips so that Jim could place a pillow underneath him. Jim stroked him a few more times, then released him and lowered his hand to Oswald's backside. His fingers caressed him, gently exploring until his fingertips brushed against his entrance. Oswald gasped and grabbed onto Jim's arm. "Don't stop. Please."

Watching his face carefully, Jim pressed forward, sliding the tip of his finger inside. Oswald moaned, spreading his legs further to encourage him. Jim took a deep breath and slid his finger deeper, curling and circling inside him. 

It was incredible, nearly perfect, but it wasn't enough. "More," Oswald demanded, lifting his hips. 

"More?" Jim echoed, his voice low enough to be a growl.

"Yes...Jim, please..."

"Do you have...?"

"Y-yes." Oswald sat up and with shaking hands, pulled at his nightstand drawer, reaching into it until he found the box that Ivy gave him. He tore into it, blindly grasping until he found the lube and handed it over. "Here."

Jim slowly withdrew his finger, soothing Oswald with kisses when he whined at the sensation. He immediately reached for his own pants, but hesitated. "Is it okay if I take these off?"

"God, yes." Oswald sat up and watched as Jim stood up to finish undressing himself, his heart racing at the sight of Jim's muscular body on full display with his thick, hard cock already leaking precum. "Holy fuck, you're perfect."

Jim growled and pressed himself against Oswald's body, kissing at his mouth and his neck. "I want you," he breathed, and kissed him again before pulling away to grab the lube. Oswald watched as Jim uncapped the lube and coated two of his fingers with it, then set the tube aside on the nightstand and brought his fingers back to Oswald. He pressed against the ring of muscle, his fingers sliding in easily until they were fully sheathed inside.

Oswald's jaw dropped at the sensation, staring past Jim at the ceiling in shock. 

"Holy shit." Jim shivered as if he was the one being penetrated. "Oh my God, Oswald." 

Oswald arched his back, grunting as Jim rubbed around in circles, pressing deeper and harder as he grinded his hips against Oswald's leg. He began spreading his fingers, eventually hitting a spot inside Oswald that made him jolt as if he was electrocuted. "Right there?"

"Yes...ohhh fuck!" Oswald writhed as Jim pushed rhythmically against that spot, making his toes curl. "Oh my god, oh my god, Jim..." He arched his back, grasping at the sheets underneath him as Jim lowered himself on top of him, his hard cock sliding against his hip. "Jim...oh god..."

"Fuck, Oswald, I can feel you..." Jim moaned against Oswald's neck. "You're so tight..."

"Don't stop," Oswald begged as felt Jim's fingers push deep into him, slowly pulling out, then sliding back in, over and over. He was nearly sobbing in pleasure, utterly wrecked by Jim Gordon, who seemed to be falling to pieces as well. "Fuck, please, Jim, more..."

With his free hand, Jim reached down to grasp Oswald's cock, giving it a gentle squeeze. Oswald gasped and instinctively clenched down on the fingers inside of him. Jim cursed under his breath, then moved his hand and positioned his hips until his erection nudged against Oswald's. Jim was big, thick and hard and throbbing, and Oswald's cock jumped as Jim wrapped his hand around both of them. "Oh god, yes!"

Jim groaned and began to stroke them, moving his hips rhythmically against Oswald's and making their cocks slide against each other. "Fuck..."

"Oh my fucking god..." Oswald grabbed onto Jim's hips. "I'm so close...Jim..."

"Come for me, baby," Jim breathed. "I'm close too. I want to see you come."

Oswald arched his back and cried out as his climax jolted through him, coming hot and hard over Jim's cock and hand. He felt himself clench around Jim's fingers and grunted as Jim moaned loudly.

"Fuck, Oswald...oh, fuck!" Jim's fingers curled and shook, making Oswald thrust up to meet his touch. Jim panted as his cock ejaculated onto Oswald's stomach, then moaned helplessly when Oswald reached down to give him a few final slow strokes. "Fuck yes...touch me..."

Oswald swiped his thumb across the tip of Jim's erection and grinned when this made the other man shudder. "You're so big," Oswald murmured. "I knew you would be."

Jim leaned down to kiss him, then slowly withdrew his fingers from him and pulled away with a sigh. "Damn. You are so fucking hot."

Oswald laughed softly and stretched. "Flattery will get you everywhere." 

"So it seems." Jim looked down at himself. "Uh. Gonna grab us a towel. Or two." He got up and headed to the bathroom, returning with a couple of towels and handing one to Oswald. After they cleaned themselves up, Jim threw the towels in the hamper and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. Oswald listened to the water run and closed his eyes, already feeling himself start to doze. 

"Oswald?"

Oswald opened his eyes to see Jim standing in the bathroom doorway, watching him with a soft expression. "Are you leaving?"

"Wasn't planning on it," Jim replied, lowering his gaze. "Unless you want me to."

"Stay." Oswald pulled back the covers and gave him a sleepy smile. "Stay with me."

Jim grinned and hurried to the bed, sliding under the covers and pulling Oswald close. Oswald rested his head against Jim's broad chest, closing his eyes as Jim wrapped his arms around him. 

Oswald wasn't used to being held, or touched by anyone. He hadn't realized how starved he was for it until that moment. 

Jim gently stroked Oswald's hair and kissed his forehead. "Thank you," he said softly.

"For what?" Oswald whispered.

"For trusting me, and giving me a chance." 

"I'm glad I did." Oswald smiled as Jim gave him another forehead kiss. "Thank you. For everything."

"Go to sleep, baby," Jim whispered. "I'll be here when you wake up." He began to rub soothing circles on the back of Oswald's neck, lulling him to the best night of sleep he'd ever had.


	4. Chapter 4

Oswald stood in darkness, smirking to himself as he looked over the crowd. The club was packed, with half of Gotham waiting outside to get in. The Iceberg Lounge was a resounding success for another night. 

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and preened a bit. He'd lost weight recently and was starting to resemble the young man he'd once been. He'd upgraded his wardrobe since then, of course, and was looking quite dapper.

"You have a visitor, sir." A nervous young man approached him, then scurried away as Edward Nygma appeared, decked out in a green suit and a bowler hat. He was looking rather wonderful himself, his eyes still youthful and mischievous as ever. Ed approached Oswald with a cunning smile and tipped his hat to him. 

"Everything is in place," he murmured. "The vault to Gotham Savings and Loan will be unguarded tonight."

Oswald nodded. "Excellent. And we'll have no trouble from Gordon?" 

Ed chuckled darkly. "He's far too busy with that joker friend of yours."

"Jerome has indeed been busy."

"And you have been busy yourself, haven't you?" Ed leaned forward and brushed his lips against Oswald's ear. "Bad man."

Oswald shivered and grabbed onto Ed's jacket, bringing their faces inches apart. "Why don't we go into my office? Then you can show me just how bad you can be... Riddler."

Ed's expression darkened, and he crushed his lips against Oswald's, moaning into his mouth as the music pulsed around them.

Oswald opened his eyes as the dream slipped away, the rhythmic pulse of the music revealing itself to be Jim Gordon's heartbeat. Jim was still asleep, his chest slowly rising and falling underneath Oswald as he held him close. 

Carefully Oswald extracted himself and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He'd never had such a vivid dream before, and Ed had been so different in it...so dark, and seductive.

Oswald suppressed a sigh. Here he was, in bed with Jim Gordon, dreaming about another man. 

He smiled down at Jim, who continued to sleep peacefully. He'd been so gentle with Oswald last night, making sure he was comfortable with everything. It was the first time Oswald had done anything remotely sexual, and it had been incredible. 

Oswald wanted more.

His gaze lowered to Jim's exposed waist, the sheets gathered around his muscular body like a Roman statue. Oswald bit his lip and slowly tugged at the sheets, his breath hitching as Jim's body was exposed. He wasn't sure if his idea was a sound one, but fortune favored the bold. 

Carefully Oswald settled down on the bed, scooting down until his head lay next to Jim's hip. He reached over and took Jim's cock in his hand, slowly stroking him with gentle, slow tugs. 

Jim stirred in his sleep, his eyes remaining closed as Oswald continued to touch and explore. 

Oswald gathered his courage and moved closer, settling in between Jim's legs and watching him furrow his brow in his sleep. He continued to stroke him gently, then took a deep breath and leaned up to take Jim's cock in his mouth. 

Jim exhaled, stirring again as Oswald began to slowly suck at the hardening length. Oswald moved his tongue around, thrilling when Jim's cock began throbbing in response to his efforts. He ran his tongue under the head and sucked just a bit harder.

"Hhhhmmm." Jim thrust up, still mostly asleep, but Oswald took it in stride. Acting purely on instinct, Oswald rubbed Jim's balls and wrapped his hand around his base, moving his head up and down as Jim's cock nudged against his tongue.

Jim's breathing quickened, and he groaned loudly, his chest rising as his hand reached down to brush against Oswald's hair. Oswald moaned, which made Jim shiver slightly and thrust up again, and the bitter taste of salt dripped onto Oswald's tongue. 

"Nnngh." Jim rubbed his fingers against the back of Oswald's head. "Baby..."

Oswald slipped him out of his mouth and kissed along his shaft. "Good morning," he murmured, and went back to work. 

"Fuck." Jim spread his legs and sighed as Oswald sucked at him, gasping softly when Oswald darted his tongue around the tip of his cock. "Oh, fuck..."

Oswald's heart leapt at Jim's obvious enjoyment. He had no idea what he was doing, having had no practice, but years of fantasizing and research was clearly paying off. He kept working at Jim, ignoring his own body's intense arousal and need for release. Oswald needed to make Jim come. 

"I'm getting close," Jim gasped, and Oswald nearly growled in response, his mouth filling with saliva in response to the taste of precum. Jim clearly enjoyed the sensation, judging by the way he moaned Oswald's name and how his erection nudged against Oswald's tongue. Jim's erection was rock hard, and his hips rocked as Oswald began bobbing his head faster.

"Oh, fuck. Jesus. Fuck, that's good." Jim panted and desperately grasped at Oswald's hair. "Baby...you're gonna make me come if you keep doing that."

The thought of tasting Jim Gordon's come made Oswald moan and swirl his tongue around the hard shaft in his mouth. 

"Holy...fucking..." Jim was nearly delirious, shaking as his hips rocked up into Oswald's mouth. Oswald drooled onto Jim's cock as he moved faster, sucking and slurping with desperation.

"Oh fuck, I'm coming... Oswald!" Jim shouted as his body seized, and Oswald felt his cock grow even thicker. He flattened his tongue and began sucking, moaning as the warm, salty taste of come filled his mouth. He began swallowing as much as he could, but some dribbled past his lips.

"Jesus." Jim shivered as his orgasm subsided and groaned as Oswald gave him a few final, gentle sucks. "That was...fuck, that was incredible."

Oswald sat up, slightly panting as he stared at his handiwork. Jim was still mostly hard, his cock wet with come and saliva. _I did that_ , Oswald thought dizzily, and smirked as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Wow." 

"You okay?" Jim sat up and stroked Oswald's cheek, his eyes hazy with lust and concern.

"Yeah." Oswald grinned and ran his tongue over his teeth. "Better than okay."

"Good." Jim lowered his gaze to Oswald's body and licked his lower lip. "Can I return the favor?"

Oswald froze. "You want to...?"

"God yes." Jim nuzzled against Oswald's neck. "I definitely want to, but if you don't want that, it's okay."

"I want you to," Oswald replied quickly, then blushed. "Please. I've never..."

Jim soothed him with soft kisses on his neck. "Just lie back," he whispered. "I'll take care of you."

Oswald positioned himself against his pillows, his heart jumping when he realized that they now smelled like Jim's cologne. Jim stroked Oswald's chest, running his large hands down his body until Oswald was moaning and writhing under his touch. 

"You're beautiful," Jim murmured, reaching down to gently squeeze Oswald's cock. "Big and beautiful..."

"Jim..." Oswald moaned as he felt Jim's breath on his erection, followed by a slow, long lick. "Oh god..."

"Mmm." Jim ran his tongue over Oswald, staring intently at him the entire time. He brushed his lips over Oswald's erection and kissed the tip before taking him into his mouth. 

Oswald cursed under his breath as wet warmth surrounded his cock. Jim hummed around him, then began moving his head up and down as he slowly sucked at Oswald's erection. 

"Jim..." Oswald arched up, grasping at his lover's shoulders. He was achingly hard already, and Jim was eagerly moaning around him, clearly enjoying himself. "Oh god, Jim...yes...ungh!" Jim quickly flicked his tongue at the sensitive spot under the head of Oswald's cock, grunting when Oswald's erection jerked against his tongue in response. 

With shaking hands, Oswald stroked at Jim's hair as he continued to work at him. The warm sensation of saliva dripping down past Jim's lips onto his shaft and coating his balls was enough to make Oswald fight back a whimper. Jim growled around him, swiping his tongue over every inch of him. Those intense blue eyes gazed up at him and Oswald gasped. "Oh god, Jim, I'm not going to last..."

Jim moaned and bobbed his head faster, his hands caressing Oswald's stomach and hips as he coaxed him to orgasm.

"Fuck...oh, fuck!" Oswald let go of Jim's hair and twisted his hands into his sheets, desperate to tug and pull as he writhed helplessly. He shook as he came, moaning as Jim swallowed his release with a few moans of his own. Oswald exhaled and shuddered as his body tried to recover, mumbling to himself when Jim gently pulled away. Jim kissed at his stomach and chest and leaned over him, the intensity in his eyes softening.

"You okay?" Jim murmured, stroking the side of Oswald's face. 

Oswald nodded, his heart still pounding. "Yeah." 

"Good." Jim lay back on the bed, easing Oswald into his arms and kissing his forehead. 

They lay quietly together, catching their breath. After a few minutes, Jim hugged Oswald close and nuzzled against him. "What are your plans for today, baby?"

"I was going to head over to Ivy's place." Oswald smiled as Jim began stroking the hair on the back of his neck. "We usually have lunch together on Sundays."

"Want me to give you a ride?"

Oswald closed his eyes, imagining his legs wrapped around Jim's waist as Jim fucked him at a slow, leisurely pace. "Yes," he whispered.

"What time?"

"Oh. Uh. Sorry. Um, around noon, if that works for you." Oswald gently rubbed Jim's stomach. "What about you? Got anything planned for today?"

"Studying." Jim yawned and stretched. "Gonna head to the gym later too."

"Studying?" Oswald gave the other man a skeptical look. "We graduated already."

"Hey, I want to ace the written test once I get to the police academy." 

Oswald snickered. "Such a boy scout."

"Ha." Jim ran his knuckles up and down Oswald's back, grinning as Oswald purred in response. "I was thinking about coming back here tonight, if that's okay."

"Definitely." Oswald kissed his chest. "I can make dinner, unless you have other plans."

"Dinner sounds great."

Oswald glanced up at the other man and gathered his courage. "Maybe...you could spend the night."

Jim paused. "Are you sure?" he asked softly.

Oswald gazed up at him, his heart skipping a beat at Jim's cautiously hopeful expression. "I'm sure."

Jim smiled and carefully leaned down, giving Oswald a gentle kiss before whispering in his ear. "I adore you, Oswald Cobblepot."

×××××××××

Ivy was already in her driveway waiting when Jim pulled up. She approached the driver's side with a knowing grin and shook her head. "Jim Gordon. Good to see you."

"Hello, Ivy." Jim grinned. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm great." She turned her attention to Oswald, who tried unsuccessfully not to blush. "Hey you. I invited Ed over, he's already got an interview with Fish tomorrow night. I figured we can help him prepare."

Oswald's heart leapt. "Ed's on his way?"

"Yup." Ivy glanced at Jim. "You wanna hang out? I got enough takeout to feed half of Gotham."

"Maybe next time, thanks." Jim turned to Oswald and smiled warmly. "See you tonight then?"

"Absolutely." Oswald suppressed a giggle when Jim gave him a quick kiss, then got out of the car, avoiding Ivy's gaze until Jim drove away. 

"Oh. My. God. He is stupid hot." Ivy squealed and clapped her hands. "You're dating Jim Gordon!"

Oswald grinned. "Yeah. It's crazy."

"Get your sexy ass inside my house and tell me everything!"

"You are impossible." Oswald followed her into her house, the familiar sight of numerous houseplants and flowers making him grin. Ivy was a certified green thumb and adored her plants as if they were her pets. "Oh, you got a new Venus flytrap."

"Isn't it the cutest thing? But no changing the subject, tell me about you and Jim!"

"Fair enough." Oswald headed to the kitchen with a smirk. "Food first, because I am starving."

Ivy chuckled as Oswald grabbed a spring roll. "Worked up an appetite this morning, did you? You, my friend, are glowing." She raised an eyebrow. "So, did you two...?"

"Hmm?" He gave her a coy smile as he chewed his food. 

She scoffed. "Pengy!"

Oswald shrugged innocently. "Did we...?"

"All right, all right, I won't pry." Ivy held her hands up. "Just as long as he treats you right, then it's all good."

"He's wonderful." Oswald ducked his head and smiled. "He's very sweet. A true gentleman."

"Awww! Good. You deserve all of that, Pengy."

Oswald took another spring roll and sighed happily. "He's coming over tonight. I invited him to stay over." He bit his lip. "I'm kind of nervous. Excited, though."

Ivy squealed. "My baby's all grown up!" 

"Ha. Hey, how did it go with your computer guy?"

"Mmm. His name is Victor Zsasz." Ivy grinned and cracked open a fortune cookie. "Turns out I downloaded some shady shit but it's all good now. So after he was done fixing my computer, he asked me if there was anything else that needed attention, and he had the cutest little smile, and I totally went for it." She winked. "Might have had him working a bit of overtime there." 

"Nice." 

"Right? I rock." Ivy read her fortune with a raised eyebrow. "This makes no sense. 'A young man will be your adversary in years to come. Keep your friends close.' Whatever."

"Hmm. Let me try one." Oswald opened a cookie and read the fortune out loud. "'You are destined for greatness with the one who challenges you'. That's you, because you're so challenging."

"Shut up." Ivy swatted him. "What does that fortune even mean?"

"Who knows." Oswald jumped at the sound of a firm but polite knock at the door. "Is that...?"

"Ooh! Ed's here!" Ivy clapped her hands and bounded toward the door.

 _Ed._ Oswald's heart skipped again, and he went into the kitchen to wash his hands. He needed to forget about his little crush with Ed Nygma, and needed to do it fast. Oswald was with Jim now, and it wasn't fair to him to harbor feelings for another man. Ed was a friend, and would probably soon be a co-worker, so Oswald needed to get a grip.

"Hello...is it just us?" Oswald heard Ed ask tentatively, and he sighed as his pulse picked up at the sound of Ed's voice. 

"Pengy's here, he's just eating all the spring rolls."

"I am not, you hush!" Oswald hobbled out to the living room and grinned at Ed. "Hey, congratulations on your interview!"

"Oswald! Hello. Thank you." Ed nervously adjusted his glasses. "It was quite a fortunate turn of events. I happened upon Miss Mooney while at the local bookstore. I mentioned my interest in obtaining employment at Clocktower Video and she was kind enough to grant me an interview tomorrow evening."

"That's awesome." Oswald looked away and cleared his throat. "Well...let's eat, and we'll go over what sort of questions Fish will probably ask you."

The three of them gathered at Ivy's dinner table to eat, with Ivy and Oswald telling stories about working at Clocktower Video. Ed listened intently at the anecdotes and laughed at Oswald's legendary encounter with Harvey Dent. "He actually tried to steal a... pornographic tape?"

"Yup." Oswald snorted. "He was so fucking high and mighty in high school, and turns out he's just as low as us commoners."

"Scumbag." Ivy shuddered. "He's gross."

Oswald nodded. "Well, luckily he's banned after Fish got wind of his attempted burglary. I haven't seen him since he tried to run off with 'Leather Sluts 7 - The Reckoning'."

Ivy chortled. "I love that you remember the name of the movie he tried to steal."

"How can one forget a title like that?" Oswald turned to Ed and smiled as the other man blushed. "Yeah, there's, um, quite the selection in the Spank Space."

Ed cleared his throat. "Indeed. Are there any other customers that you have to look out for?"

"Jonathan Crane usually gets a few horror movies every weekend. He's intense, but fairly harmless. Then there's Solomon Grundy, he gets whatever brainless comedy is available." Oswald looked to Ivy. "Who else?"

"Um, Victor Fries usually gets documentaries, and loves to talk about them, so heads up." Ivy pointed at Ed. "That might come up in the interview. Fish could ask if you're okay with talking to customers about their selections and any suggestions they have."

"Plus Fish will ask you to suggest three movies to her. They can be any kind of genre, she just wants to see what your selling technique is. And she'll ask what your favorite movie is." Oswald smiled at Ed's excited expression. "So what is your favorite movie?"

"Oh! Well. There are so many, but perhaps The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. It is a quite enthralling representation of German Expressionism. The use of shadows create a visual style that is both stunning and unsettling. If I were to choose a more recent film, I would most likely name Lost Highway. It is one of David Lynch's most fascinating films, which is indeed a bold statement, but I would say that as a neo-noir, it is a wonderfully surreal journey for the viewer, and I highly recommend it." Ed paused as he noticed Oswald and Ivy's stunned expressions. "Um. Was that not a good answer?"

"It's brilliant. You're brilliant," Oswald breathed, then cleared his throat. "I, um. Yes. It's a wonderful answer."

Ed beamed, his eyes shining with delight. "You...you really think so?"

"Hell yes!" Ivy interjected. "You're like, a walking movie trivia book. Fish will hire you, no doubt." 

"You are both too kind." Ed looked down and smiled bashfully. "Thank you for inviting me here."

Ivy grinned at him. "Aww, you're welcome. Thanks for coming! We all need to hang out more." 

"I would like that very much." Ed took a fortune cookie and carefully cracked it open. "Oh. Hmm."

"What does it say?" Oswald asked, trying not to stare at those long, graceful fingers.

"I...well. It says, 'What you desire is within reach. Soon you will have your greatest wish come true.'"

Ivy cracked open a cookie and scoffed. "Okay, you win. Mine says 'A penny saved is a penny earned.' Lame!"

Ed looked expectantly at Oswald, who smiled and reached for another cookie. "Why not? Let's see what this one says...huh. 'Your journey begins, but it is far from over. Your soulmate awaits.'" Oswald blushed and set the fortune aside. 

"Soulmate, huh?" Ivy winked at her friend. "I wonder what Jim will think of that one."

"Jim?" Ed echoed. 

"Jim Gordon," Ivy explained as Oswald anxiously tapped his fingers on his glass of water. "You actually missed him earlier today."

"Jim Gordon?" Ed frowned. "Why was he here?"

Ivy flashed Oswald a grin. "He dropped Pengy off."

Ed's frown deepened. "Why?"

Oswald's stomach dropped. "He and I were, um, together this morning."

"You..." Ed seemed to pale. "You're dating Jim Gordon?"

Oswald felt himself flush. "I am, yes. It's very recent." He felt the weight of Ed's gaze and began to babble nervously. "He remembers you. From high school."

"...You talked about me?"

"Um. Yes. He said you were a bona fide genius. And I agreed, of course. In fact, Jim's the one who solved your riddles."

A strange expression crossed Ed's face, looking like a combination of disgust, shock, and hurt. "He..."

"Oh...shit." Oswald winced. "Was I not supposed to share those? I'm sorry, I...I was stumped, and um...I'm sorry."

"I... you..." Ed got up and abruptly hurried down the hallway into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Fuck." Oswald slumped in his chair. "I'm an idiot."

"Pengy..." Ivy took a deep breath. "I really think Ed likes you."

"He just didn't know about me and Jim," Oswald argued. "But I shouldn't have..."

A loud crash in the bathroom made them both jump. "Whoa." Oswald exchanged a concerned look with Ivy. "Is he..."

"Don't say that!" Ed shouted from behind the closed door, sounding furious. 

"Holy shit." Oswald got to his feet and hurried to the bathroom door with Ivy right behind him. "Ed? Are you okay?"

"We're...I'm fine." Ed emerged, red faced. "I accidentally knocked over a few bottles of lotion. Nothing was broken, I assure you."

"Don't worry about it," Ivy soothed. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I am fine." Ed kept his gaze on the ground. "I...I should be going. Thank you for the meal." 

He turned to leave, but Oswald panicked and grabbed his hand. "Ed!"

Ed gasped at Oswald's touch, and froze. Oswald was stunned himself, as the feel of Ed's hand in his had his pulse racing. 

"I..." Oswald was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry if I..."

"It's fine," Ed mumbled, and gently pulled away. "My apologies. I'm...I'm just nervous, that's all. For my interview. I hope to see you both again soon. At the store. Thank you again." Ed walked out the door, the sight causing a dull, heavy ache in Oswald's chest.

×××××××××

Oswald lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he mentally replayed the day's events. After Ed had left, Oswald helped Ivy clean up and she gave him a ride home, insisting the entire time that Ed was crazy about Oswald and to be careful with him.

But Ed was just surprised about Jim and Oswald, that was all. Maybe Ed didn't like Jim very much. Hell, Oswald didn't either, at first. 

Oswald checked his phone and frowned. He'd sent Ed a couple of texts asking if he was okay, but hadn't had any response. Oswald had tried to distract himself by preparing dinner, but the crockpot took care of most of the work, so Oswald was left with his thoughts. 

His phone buzzed, and Oswald jumped, but the incoming text wasn't from Ed, or Jim. 

**_On a date, hmmm? Sounds boring. Does this guy even know how to treat you? Hahahaha_ **

Oswald rolled his eyes. **_What do you care?_** he sent in response.

 ** _Mmmm, I care a great deal, Ozzie. Want to know what I'd do, if you were mine?_**

"What the fuck?" Oswald muttered, but before he could respond, Jerome sent another message.

**_Well. If I wanted to show a guy like you a good time, I could take you out on the town, show you allll the fun places in our fair city, but what I'd reaaaaally like to do is get you someplace private, where I could get those pesky clothes off that body of yours and run my tongue over every inch of you, get you nice and wet and ready for me. Sound good? Hahaha. ;)_ **

Oswald's mind went blank. This was a prank. It had to be. But prank or no prank, he couldn't get texts like this when he was with Jim. He sent Jerome a reply that he had a boyfriend and to stop sending him texts, and was debating blocking Jerome's number when he got a message from Jim.

 ** _On my way. Can't wait to see you again. ;)_**

Oswald grinned at the text and got up to get ready.


	5. Chapter 5

_What does first time sex feel like?_

Oswald rolled his eyes at himself and closed the search results. He was getting himself nervous, and that simply would not do. It wasn't that he wasn't ready to have sex, or that he didn't want sex with Jim Gordon - heaven knew _that_ was not the case - but he didn't want the experience to be a disappointment for either of them. 

He ran a towel over his hair and headed to his closet, staring at his wardrobe in utter bafflement. Oswald figured he had about twenty minutes until Jim arrived, which had given him time to check on dinner and take a quick shower. Now he had to decide what to wear, which seemed like a chess move. He'd never seduced anyone before, but didn't want to be too casual or too flashy. Ultimately Oswald settled on black pants and a white dress shirt, and after getting dressed and fixing his hair, he felt more like himself, but was still nervous.

What he needed was a distraction. Oswald picked up his phone, figuring a mindless game would do the trick, but noticed that he had a few new messages. One was from Jim, saying that he was bringing dessert. Oswald grinned at the possible double meaning, but then saw that the other messages were from Ed.

**_I am fine. Thank you for asking._ **

**_I apologize for my earlier outburst._ **

"Oh, Ed." Oswald sighed, and typed a quick reply. **_No apology needed. I'm just glad you're okay._**

Suddenly Oswald got an idea, and after doing a quick search, sent what he hoped was the perfect peace offering. 

**_If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me._ **

Oswald smiled as Ed began typing, but his smile faded as soon as he saw Ed's reply.

**_"Share" you?! Are you suggesting a sort of tryst with yourself and Jim Gordon?!_ **

Oswald gasped. "Holy fuck, no!" His response was swift. 

**_OH MY GOD no, it's a riddle! A riddle! Shit! I forgot to add "what am I" at the end!!! I'm sorry!!!!_ **

After sending the text, Oswald steadfastly suppressed his mind's efforts to imagine two pairs of hands on his body, exploring and caressing...

"Ugh, what is wrong with me?" Oswald groaned, and jumped when his phone buzzed again. 

**_OH! Yes, of course. A riddle. Yes._ **

**_A secret. That is the answer._ **

**_:)_ **

Oswald laughed softly and did another quick search before sending another text. 

**_What belongs to you, but other people use it more than you?_ **

Ed began typing, then seemed to stop, then sent his response.

**_My name._ **

**_I can fill a room or just one heart. Others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?_ **

Oswald felt a strange warmth in his chest at the sight of another riddle from Ed. It felt like a sign of trust, something precious and delicate.

He debated over searching online for the answer, but decided to try to figure it out on his own. At first he thought the answer was love, but the answer was something that couldn't be shared. 

"What can fill a heart?" Oswald muttered. "Can't be shared...fill a room..." He looked around his room, which seemed remarkably empty at the moment. "Wait. Can't be shared... loneliness!" He sent his response and waited. 

Ed's reply was quick.

**_Yes! Loneliness._ **

**_Thank you, Oswald._ **

Oswald's heart soared, and he suddenly got an idea. 

**_Are you busy tomorrow afternoon? Maybe we can watch a movie. I'll ask Ivy if she's free. Our shifts don't start until 5:00. What time is your interview?_ **

A strange combination of nervousness and guilt followed, but Oswald pushed it aside. He was just being a good friend. Nothing wrong with watching a movie with a friend...

**_My interview is at 5:00._ **

**_I would be delighted to watch a movie with you. And Ivy, of course._ **

**_:)_ **

Oswald giggled a bit as a dizzying rush of giddiness nearly overwhelmed him. 

**_Yay! :D You get to pick the movie, Mr. Movie Genius. I'll call you tomorrow._ **

After sending the text, Oswald looked at his recent messages and felt another pang of guilt. His texts with Ed were harmless, but keeping Jerome's messages and pictures felt wrong. He couldn't keep them on his phone, not while he was dating Jim. No, they had to be deleted, and Jerome needed to be blocked.

And if Oswald took a long last look at the pictures before deleting them, well, that would be his little secret.

×××××××××

Oswald opened the door with a grin as he watched Jim walk up his driveway. "Well, hello."

"Hey there." Jim gave him a quick kiss before entering the house. "Oh wow, something smells great."

"Hope you like goulash!" Oswald watched as Jim set his backpack down on the couch and blushed. _Oh god, he's really spending the night here. With me._ "Um. So, how did your studying go?"

Jim grunted. "Pretty boring. The practice test is mostly math problems. Plus they want to make sure you can spell, which is fine, since I'll be filling out reports, but after a while it gets tedious."

Oswald smirked. "You'd rather get right into the car chases and standoffs?"

"Hey, I figure I'll have plenty of opportunities for that in Gotham." Jim reached into his backpack and took out a small bag. "I got chocolates for dessert. I would've brought wine, but..."

"No worries." Oswald shrugged and headed into the kitchen. "I have some, actually."

Jim chuckled as he walked up behind his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Of course you do." He leaned close and kissed Oswald's neck. "Bad man."

Oswald shivered. The sudden memory of his dream with Ed came rushing back, and guilt followed soon after. "My father's collection. I have quite a few bottles. Do you have a preference?"

"Anything you want." Jim kissed his shoulder and watched Oswald peruse his wine rack. "So, the gym was interesting."

"Oh?" Oswald picked out a bottle of merlot and began tearing at the foil.

"Yeah. I had a little chat with Jerome Valeska."

Oswald nearly dropped the wine opener and tried to keep his voice steady. "You did?"

"Yeah, it was weird." Jim leaned against the kitchen counter, frowning to himself. "He told me that there were two kinds of people, and that I was on one side and everyone else in Gotham was on the other... including you."

"...Okay."

"I know. Weird."

"And what did you say?" Oswald asked carefully, pouring both of them a glass. 

Jim shrugged. "I told him to leave me the fuck alone. Then he started laughing like a psycho...you know, the way he used to in class? Then he left for the showers and I didn't see him again."

"Hmm." Oswald handed Jim a glass, avoiding his gaze. "Well, that's Jerome, I guess."

"I guess." Jim held up his glass and smiled. "Anyway, forget him. Here's to tonight, and the two of us."

"Indeed! Cheers." Oswald clinked his glass with Jim's and tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach at the thought of a familiar, crazed laugh that he'd always found endearing.

×××××××××

"You are amazing." Jim finished rinsing his bowl and placed it in the dishwasher. "That was delicious. You could give Le Chevalier Noir a run for their money."

Oswald giggled. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Liked it? I almost had a third helping." Jim looked over his shoulder and grinned, making Oswald turn slightly red. It was a bit surreal, seeing Jim Gordon in his kitchen, doing dishes with a hand towel slung over his shoulder. The look suited him. 

A strange sense of wrongness seized Oswald, but he shook it off and reached into the bag of chocolates that Jim had brought. "These are great, by the way. Thanks for bringing them."

"Glad you like them." A strange expression crossed Jim's face. "Funny thing... remember Lee Thompkins? She actually works at Narrows Chocolates."

"Oh yeah, I remember her." 

"She remembers you. She says hi." Jim hung up the hand towel and took a sip of wine. 

"Cool." Oswald poured them a bit more of the wine and set the empty bottle aside. "Didn't you go out with her in freshman year, before Barbara moved to Gotham?"

"Yeah. God, that was so long ago." Jim smiled and shook his head. "Lee's going to GU too. Forensic science."

"Just like Ed. He mentioned earlier today that was going to be his major too." Oswald looked down at his wine glass. "Speaking of Ed, I kind of upset him." 

Jim raised an eyebrow. "Why, what happened?"

Oswald sighed. "I told him that you were the one who solved his riddles. Apparently they weren't meant to be shared."

"Okay...so is he pissed off at me, or something?"

"No, I think he was freaked out by the idea of us talking about him." Oswald bit his lip. "He was really upset."

"Should I talk to him?" Jim asked cautiously. 

"No, I think he just needs time. And patience." Oswald shook his head and finished his wine. "I just feel bad, is all." 

"Don't," Jim assured him. "You didn't mean to upset him. Ed knows that, I'm sure of it. He'll be fine."

"I guess." Oswald cleared his throat. "Also...I have to tell you something. About Jerome Valeska, in fact."

"Jerome?" Jim frowned. "What about him?"

"Jerome's been...sending me pictures." 

"Pictures?" Jim's expression darkened. "Pictures of what, exactly?"

Oswald winced. "Of...himself. His body."

Slowly Jim set his wineglass down and looked intently at Oswald. "You want to run that by me again?"

"I never asked for them! I deleted the pictures and the texts, and I blocked his number. But I felt like I had to tell you." Oswald shrugged. "He's...he's just being weird, that's all."

"Sounds like he's interested in you." Jim narrowed his eyes. "What sort of things did he text you? And how did he get your number?"

"Remember when you were at the store, and Jerome snuck in the break room? He got my number from the employee contact list that's posted in there." Oswald began fiddling with his short collar, feeling the full weight of Jim's gaze. "And he...he sent some suggestive messages. Just to mess with me."

"...Suggestive messages? Like what?"

"Like...what he wanted to do, on a date." Oswald looked away, his face flushed. "Very, um, explicit stuff."

Jim breathed in deeply. "It sounds like I'm going to have to have a little talk with him, then."

Oswald's head snapped up. "What? No. That's not necessary. Bad idea."

"He's sending my boyfriend dirty messages and pictures! No. Fuck that." Jim bared his teeth. "The next time I see him at the gym, that clown's going to fucking pay."

Oswald's jaw dropped. Seeing Jim angry and somewhat possessive was quite a sight to behold. A mental image of Jim, sweaty and half naked, stalking Jerome as he lifted weights and warning him to stay away from Oswald because Oswald was _his_ was definitely enticing. But there was something else that Jim had said that caught Oswald's attention. "Boyfriend?"

Jim's expression softened. "I thought we were...are we not...?"

"No! I mean yes. I mean, I want that. I just..." Oswald blushed. "I've never been someone's boyfriend before."

Jim smiled. "Well, you are now." He slowly made his way to Oswald, gently pushing him against the counter and nuzzling at his neck. "You're my boyfriend." Jim wrapped his arms around Oswald's waist, pulling him close against his body. "My gorgeous, wonderful, sexy boyfriend." 

"Jim..." Oswald's giggles turned to moans as Jim kissed along his neck down to his shoulder. "Mmm...Fuck..."

Jim grinded his hips against Oswald, growling when this made the other man gasp and spread his legs. "You're so fucking hot. I've been thinking of you all day." 

"Oh god..." Oswald felt Jim's erection through his jeans and groaned. "Want to..."

"You want to...?" Jim's breath was warm against Oswald's ear, but he shivered nonetheless. "What do you want, baby? I'll give it to you... anything you want, any way you want it."

Oswald buried his hands in Jim's hair and moaned. "Please...need..."

"Tell me what you need, baby," Jim coaxed, his hands rubbing soothingly over Oswald's hips. 

Oswald turned to him, looking him in the eyes. Jim's gaze was intense, heavy with arousal, but searching for a sign to continue. It was that slight uncertainty that pushed Oswald over the edge, and he captured Jim's mouth in a deep, aching kiss. After a few moments, Oswald broke away, gasping into the other man's mouth. 

"Fuck me," Oswald whispered. "Take me. Have me."

Jim moaned and kissed him again, his hands everywhere as Oswald whimpered. "Gonna make you feel so good," Jim swore, his fingers making quick work of the buttons on Oswald's shirt. 

Oswald grabbed at Jim's shirt, watching in a lust filled gaze when Jim stepped back and pulled his shirt off in one quick motion. "Holy...oh wow." Oswald's eyes raked over Jim's toned body and he eagerly reached forward to run his hands over his chest. "Fuck, you're perfect."

Jim smirked and reached for Oswald's belt, unfastening it as Oswald managed to finish unbuttoning his shirt. "Gonna make you come," Jim whispered, sliding his hand down Oswald's pants and wrapping his hand around his erection. "I'm gonna make you come so hard, baby."

"Oh god..." Oswald dug his fingers into Jim's shoulders as he began jerking him slowly, giving him a gentle squeeze when Oswald throbbed in his hand. "Please...bed..."

"God, yes." Jim briefly pulled away, letting Oswald lead him to the bedroom. 

For the millionth time in his life, Oswald cursed his limp. He hated feeling ungainly and awkward as he led a lover to his bed for the first time, but Jim seemed to sense this and soothed him by running his hands over his body and whispering how beautiful he was. 

They stumbled onto the bed, hands everywhere, pulling at their own and each other's clothes until they were naked and rutting against each other. Oswald felt Jim's erection rub against his own and dimly wondered if he could come from the friction alone. 

No, he wanted more. Blindly Oswald reached for his nightstand drawer, his heart racing as Jim gazed down at him. 

"I want you." Jim ran his hands over Oswald's chest and groaned when Oswald arched his back in response. "Oh baby, you're so beautiful..."

"Need to...please..." Oswald handed Jim the bottle of lube and busied himself with opening a condom wrapper. His hands shook a bit as he watched Jim coat his own fingers with the lube, knowing they'd be inside him soon. "God...Jim..."

"Breathe, baby. I don't want to hurt you." Jim caressed Oswald's thigh with his free hand, gently spreading his legs further. "I'm going to take care of you."

Oswald exhaled and willed his body to relax as he felt Jim's fingers, slick with lube, carefully pushing against him. Jim's hand moved from his thigh to Oswald's erection, giving him a few slow strokes as he gently reached inside of him, caressing and exploring. "Mmm...Jim...want you..."

"You're gonna have me, baby." Jim breathed in deeply as he found Oswald's prostate and pushed against it, making his boyfriend groan and arch his back. "Fuck, you feel amazing."

"C'mon..." Oswald writhed at Jim's touch and reached down to give his erection a few strokes. His cock throbbed in Oswald's hand and Oswald lifted his hips in response. "Please...in me...need it..."

Jim cursed softly and took the opened condom from Oswald, letting him reach down and help slide it down his shaft. Oswald stared at him in wonder, his pulse pounding so hard that he was nearly dizzy. 

"Lie back," Jim whispered, carefully settling on top of him and kissing him as Oswald wrapped his legs around his waist. Jim positioned himself against Oswald's entrance, then paused. "Are you sure?" he asked softly, and gave him a gentle kiss. "We don't have to."

"I want to." Oswald pushed against him and sighed at the sensation. "Please...I need you."

"I've got you, baby." Slowly, Jim pushed forward, the thick head of his cock nudging against Oswald. 

Oswald closed his eyes, his hands clutching tightly onto Jim's back as he felt Jim carefully ease inside him, gasping when he was a few inches inside. "Oh god..."

"Fuck..." Jim shivered and slowly pushed further inside. He stopped and stroked his face until Oswald opened his eyes. "You okay?" he whispered.

"Yes." Oswald reached up to run his fingers through Jim's hair, shivering when Jim rubbed soothing circles on his stomach. "More. Want all of you."

Jim nodded, pushing his hips forward until his entire length was inside. 

Oswald gasped, clutching onto Jim in silent desperation. Jim Gordon, the golden boy of Gotham, was inside of him. 

"Oswald." Jim gazed down at him, his blue eyes wide with arousal and concern. "Are you all right?"

Oswald nodded and tightened his hold on him. "It's... you're..."

Jim paused. "Do you need to stop? Should I...?"

"No, it's so good...don't stop. Move," Oswald whined, raising his hips up. "Move, please..."

"You feel so good, baby," Jim whispered, and slowly rolled his hips. Oswald babbled, far too gone for words as Jim began a steady pace. He squeezed around the full thickness inside of him, his heart skipping when Jim moaned loudly in response. 

"Oh god..." Oswald could feel his heart pounding against his ribs, the ache unfamiliar but welcome. Everything seemed intensified - the softness of the sheets beneath them, the sound of Jim's heavy breathing as he moved just a bit faster, the glow of the moon on Jim's muscled shoulders. 

Jim rested his hands on Oswald's hips, holding on tightly as he rocked into him. "Baby...oh, baby..." He slightly increased his speed, prompting a string of curses and pleas from Oswald. Jim shivered, then grasped onto Oswald's bad leg, holding it carefully while sliding his free hand further down to take a hold of Oswald's cock and begin stroking him. 

"Oh shit, oh fuck, oh fuck..." Oswald jerked at the sensation, giving Jim another almost involuntary squeeze. Jim groaned his name and moved faster, driving into him and quickening the movements of his hand. 

"Jim...oh god, oh god, I'm coming!" Oswald arched up, desperate to feel more of Jim inside him and around him as his body seized in pleasure. Jim shoved his hips forward, his cock nudging deep inside, and that did it. Oswald wailed as he came, spurting over Jim's hand and their stomachs as Jim continued to move inside of him. 

"Gonna come," Jim gasped, his movements stuttering. He let go of Oswald's cock and grasped his other leg, moving faster as Oswald's orgasm began to subside. "Oh god, Oswald, baby...coming..." His handsome features twisted in pleasure, his gasps and moans filling the room as Oswald watched him in awe. Jim shuddered, giving Oswald one last deep thrust until he collapsed onto him, still holding his injured leg carefully as he panted into Oswald's neck.

Time seemed to slow down as Oswald stared at the ceiling in near shock, holding Jim close and stroking his hair as they both recovered. Jim's breathing slowed, and he lifted his head to stare at Oswald, his eyes wide and searching. 

"Are you all right?" Jim whispered, gazing at him as if he was something delicate and rare.

Oswald nodded and pulled him close for a slow, soft kiss. Jim sighed into his mouth, then carefully pulled away and sat up. 

"I'm going to pull out now. I'll go slow, okay?"

"Okay." Oswald almost didn't recognize his own voice. Everything felt different, as if reality had shifted a bit. 

True to his word, Jim went slow, sliding carefully out of Oswald and giving him a soothing kiss when Oswald gasped at the sudden loss. 

"So beautiful," Jim whispered, and reached down to pull off the condom. He then settled on his side, pulling Oswald close and wrapping his arm around his waist. "You're amazing," Jim sighed. 

"Mmm." Oswald smiled at the praise and gently stirred at the feel of soft kisses on his neck. "You're incredible. You were perfect, Jim."

Jim smiled against Oswald's shoulder and gave him another kiss. "Sleep, baby. Get some rest."

Oswald hummed at the feel of Jim's body pressed against him, ready to drift into a sound sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Oswald tied his robe and frowned at the clock. It wasn't like his lover to be late. A sudden horrid thought came to him, of that nuisance who insisted on dressing as a bat, detaining the man he loved...

Ed's laugh, dark and low, filled the room, and Oswald grinned at the sound. He turned to see a familiar flash of green as Ed pulled off his jacket and set it on the coat rack by Oswald's bedroom door. "You're late, Mr. Nygma. But I trust you bring good news?"

"I do indeed." Ed approached slowly, his eyes raking over Oswald's body as he closed the distance between them. "Our friend has had his wings clipped. By Dent, no less." Ed set his hat on Oswald's nightstand and began removing the rest of his clothes. "He's in his belfry, licking his wounds. Meanwhile, Commissioner Gordon had an encounter with our friend Ms. Pepper, and he is currently recovering in a heavily guarded room at Gotham General."

"Hmm. We should send flowers," Oswald murmured, his heart leaping at Ed's responding grin. 

"You've read my mind, Mr. Cobblepot." Ed reached for Oswald's robe and slowly pulled at the belt. "I've been thinking of you all day. You're very distracting. Do you know how hard it is to wire a bomb while thinking of how good it feels to be inside you?"

Oswald pulled him close as Ed continued to slide his robe from his body. "And do you know," Oswald whispered, "how hard it is to run an empire while thinking of how deep you were inside me last night?" He bit Ed's earlobe, making the other man gasp. "You came so hard..."

Ed growled and shoved a now naked Oswald into his bed. "Mine," Ed hissed, pulling desperately at his own clothes as stared down at his lover. "You're mine, Oswald..."

_Ed._

Oswald woke nestled against his pillow, Jim's arm wrapped around his waist as his breath warmed his neck. Jim stirred slightly as Oswald shifted a bit, but then settled back into sleep, leaving Oswald alone with his thoughts.

It was so odd. One dream about Ed was weird enough, but two? And they were so vivid...

Oswald scoffed at himself. They were just dreams. Clearly his imagination was simply working overtime.

Jim shifted slightly, then mumbled under his breath. Oswald smiled, turning his head to listen, and began to giggle when he heard what his boyfriend was saying.

"...right...remain silent...be used against you...court of law..."

"Boy scout," Oswald whispered affectionately, and slightly wriggled against him, barely suppressing a moan when Jim instinctively pushed his hips forward. 

_Let's see how bad you can be, Jim Gordon._ Oswald smirked and writhed against his lover's hardening cock, listening to the way Jim's breathing stuttered at his movements. 

After a few minutes, Oswald no longer had to wonder if his boyfriend was awake - Jim's hand wandered down to Oswald's erection, giving him a few slow, teasing strokes. "Mmm. Baby," he mumbled against Oswald's shoulder, rubbing his thumb along the head of his cock.

"Mmm..." Feeling bold, Oswald rolled his hips and ran his fingers over Jim's arm. "Reading me my rights, are you?" he teased. "Must've done something bad."

Jim smiled against his shoulder. "Just doing my duty," he murmured. "Gotta keep Gotham safe from bad men like you."

"You gonna arrest me, officer?" Oswald husked, reaching back to grasp at Jim's hip. "Can't say I don't deserve it..."

Jim's groan filled the room. "Maybe we can work something out," he growled, sliding his cock against Oswald's backside. 

"You're not going to put me in a jail cell, are you?" Oswald grinded against Jim, smirking as this made the other man moan. "You should let me go, officer...I'll make it worth your while..."

Jim reached down and carefully spread Oswald's legs, nestling his cock between his cheeks and sliding it up and down, slowly. "You're too beautiful for jail," he panted as Oswald moaned helplessly. "I'm gonna have to take care of you myself."

"Mmm...maybe you should teach me a lesson," Oswald whispered as Jim reached down and fondled his balls. "Fuck..."

"So bad..." Jim's hands were everywhere, caressing Oswald's stomach and chest while he rutted against him. "Do you think you can be good for me?"

Oswald laughed softly. "Never."

Jim growled and dragged his teeth over the back of Oswald's neck. "I want to fuck you. Now."

The next few moments were a blur of movement - Oswald desperately grabbing lube and a condom, and Jim preparing him with his fingers, whispering soft encouragements as Oswald arched and moaned, his body eagerly responding to Jim's touch. "Fuck me," he gasped as he heard Jim open the condom wrapper. "Fuck me, give it to me..." His pleas turned to a soft keening wail as Jim slowly slid himself inside, his cock stretching him in the most amazing way possible. 

Jim exhaled slowly and grasped onto Oswald's hips, pulling out just a few inches and then pushing back inside. "Fuck... Oswald..."

"Jim... oh god." Oswald clutched onto his pillow, his body already flushed with sweat. "Oh fuck...I feel you..."

"You feel so good." Jim wrapped a hand around Oswald's erection, jerking him with every deep thrust. "So good, baby."

Oswald whimpered at the dizzying feel of the hand on his cock and the overwhelming sensation of being deeply fucked by Jim Gordon. Every inch that slid inside him and against him was enough to make him gasp with pleasure. Oswald's thighs shook with every thrust, each one deeper and harder than the last.

Jim breathed heavily as he increased his speed, every thrust of his cock into Oswald making them both moan and gasp. Oswald began shaking, his cock jerking at the feel of Jim deep inside him.

"Goddamn, baby," Jim growled. "You're so fucking tight. And you're so hard..." Jim ran his thumb over the precum that dripped from Oswald's cock and moaned. "So wet. You getting close, baby?"

"Uhh, yeah." Oswald gasped as Jim thrust completely inside, grinding against him as he sped up the movements of his hand. "Fuck!"

"I want to feel you come," Jim gasped into Oswald's ear. "C'mon baby..."

Oswald grabbed at Jim's arm in desperation and nearly convulsed as Jim held him tight through his orgasm, murmuring soothing praises as Oswald spilled over his hand. 

Jim followed soon after, clutching onto Oswald's hips as he moaned and shuddered through his release. His soft whispers of Oswald's name made his lover grin. 

"Good?" he asked softly, and giggled when Jim slumped against his back.

"God, yes." Jim kissed his neck and shivered. "Incredible."

×××××××××

After taking a long, very enjoyable shower together, Jim offered to run out to grab breakfast sandwiches, giving Oswald a sweet kiss on his cheek before heading out. Oswald changed and settled on his couch, sending a message to Ivy letting her know that he'd offered to watch a movie with Ed that afternoon and asked when she was available to stop by and join them.

Her reply was quick. **_Sorry, Pengy, I've got to fix up some stuff at home, I've got an actual date with Victor this afternoon. But yay for spending time with Ed! :D_**

"...Fuck." Panic seized Oswald, making his stomach drop. He couldn't cancel on Ed, that seemed too cruel. And Jim couldn't stay, he had to help Harvey move into a new apartment. Plus the idea of Jim hanging out with Ed being there too seemed...wrong. 

So it would be just Oswald and Ed. Alone. 

Oswald's heart started racing, but he scoffed at himself and scrolled through his contacts. There wasn't anything wrong with two friends watching a movie. It was completely innocent. 

Still, his pulse raced as Ed's phone rang. His answer was as cautious and breathless as ever. "...Hello?"

"Hey there!" Oswald cringed. He sounded like a complete tool. "Um, hi. So, are you still up for watching a movie today?"

"Yes! Absolutely. If, if that still works for you."

"Of course. I'll send you my address. How does one thirty sound?"

"Wonderful! Perfect. I will be there." Ed seemed to take a breath. "Should I bring anything besides the film?"

"No, I'll take care of lunch." Oswald heard a car door and looked outside. "Hey, I've gotta run. See you later, okay?"

"You will indeed. Goodbye, Oswald."

"Bye." Oswald hung up and grinned at his phone. 

Jim entered, brandishing a bag of food. "Hey baby. Something's got you in a good mood."

"Oh, just talking to Ed." Oswald set his phone aside, trying to ignore the sudden heavy feeling in his chest. "Um. Thank you for breakfast."

"No problem." Jim handed him the bag and sat down next to him on the couch. "Guess who I ran into again?"

Oswald froze. "Please don't say Jerome."

"Ha, no. Lee Thompkins. She was getting breakfast too. She said she couldn't resist the idea of a slice of coffee cake." Jim smiled to himself, then cleared his throat. "I told her we loved the chocolates."

"Cool." Oswald bit into his sandwich and glanced at his phone when it chimed with a notification. "Huh. You know that genius grant that Thomas Wayne offers to college students? Looks like Lex Luthor got it. Didn't he go to Metropolis High?"

"Ugh." Jim grimaced. "Lex Luthor? That guy's a fucking jerk. And he doesn't need the money, aren't his parents rich?"

"Who knows. What's wrong with Lex?"

"The debate team went up against Metropolis High for state finals. Lex was the team captain." Jim glowered at the memory. "They won, which was fine, whatever, but he was so fucking smug about it."

Oswald shrugged. "Nothing wrong with winning."

"Yeah, but don't be an asshole about it, you know?" Jim finished his sandwich and sighed. "Sorry, guys like that just get to me."

"Rich guys?" Oswald teased.

"Ha." Jim playfully threw a napkin at his boyfriend. "You should've applied for that grant, with your idea for the Iceberg Lounge."

Oswald rolled his eyes. "And build my business with money from the Wayne family? Fuck no." 

"What's wrong with the Wayne family?" Jim asked, sounding bewildered.

"Thomas Wayne is a self-important, narcissistic jackass," Oswald growled. "And that's being kind. People like that don't understand Gotham, or what this city needs."

"So what does Gotham need?" Jim inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Oswald smirked. "Gotham should be synonymous with excitement."

"You think it's boring?"

"It could be more interesting, certainly." Oswald snickered at Jim's confused expression. "Hey, I have a lot of ideas. Maybe I should call Lex. Wait, he is hot, right? I need to know, for business reasons."

"Not funny." Jim kissed his cheek. "Don't make me arrest you for real."

Oswald snorted. "I dare you, Commissioner. Mess with the Penguin and see what happens." 

Jim responded by tackling Oswald to the couch and pinning his hands over his head, which led to kissing, which led to wandering hands, and ultimately with both of them naked, stroking each other to a messy, near simultaneous climax. As disagreements went, Oswald had to conclude it ended very enjoyably.

×××××××××

They cuddled for a while, with Jim nuzzling into Oswald's shoulder and sighing as Oswald stroked his hair. After a few minutes, they both agreed that they needed another quick shower and headed to the bathroom.

Once they cleaned up and got dressed again, Jim started gathering his things while Oswald checked his phone. He saw a notification that he'd gotten a text from a blocked number, which was undoubtedly Jerome. Oswald deleted the message before he could think about it too much, and saw that he'd also gotten a text from Ed.

**_Am I correct in assuming that you are not adverse to watching a film with considerable violence?_ **

Oswald giggled and sent Ed a reply. **_I can handle it. I'm a big boy._**

Ed seemed to type something, but then the first disappeared, indicating that he deleted it. 

"...Huh, okay." Oswald sent another text. **_Do you like Italian food? I was thinking of getting lunch from Falcone's._**

**_I enjoy Italian food very much, thank you. You're too kind, Oswald. Please let me know how much I should reimburse you._ **

**_No way! This is my treat. If you want, you can get lunch next time. :)_ **

"Okay, I'm heading out," Jim grabbed his backpack and gave Oswald a kiss. "Maybe I'll see you later?"

"Sure. I get off work around nine thirty." 

"Great. Tell Ed I said hi." 

Oswald smiled, but felt the same sense of wrongness that he felt the night before. "I will. Tell Harvey he can go fuck himself."

Jim laughed and gave Oswald another kiss. "You're too damn cute." He winked, then headed out the door.

Oswald watched him leave, then looked at the clock. It was twelve thirty. Ed would be there in an hour. 

He shook his head and busied himself with tidying up around the house, dusting, lighting scented candles and then blowing them out because they seemed inappropriate, and fretting over the pillows on his couch. 

Why was he such a mess? A friend was coming over. A friend. 

"Okay. Okay. It's okay." Oswald sighed and ran his hands through his hair. His stomach was in knots, and he kept fighting the urge to pace. What the hell was wrong with him?

There was no reason to be nervous. It was just two friends, watching a movie. Oswald had a boyfriend. And Ed wasn't interested in him, he was just sort of nervous around people. 

Oswald distracted himself by placing an order for delivery from Falcone's, figuring he'd play it safe by getting a couple of appetizer samplers. Once he placed the order, he saw that Ed had sent another message. 

**_All right then...I will buy us both lunch...next time._ **

**_:)_ **

×××××××××

The food arrived at one twenty-five, and Ed pulled into his driveway exactly five minutes later, perfectly on time.

Oswald looked out of his window and smiled, ready to go out and greet him, but stopped himself when he saw Ed look into his rearview mirror and hiss something at himself. Oswald watched as Ed scowled at his reflection, then punched his steering wheel, muttering under his breath.

"The hell?" Oswald placed a hand on the door, fighting the urge to run out and soothe Ed, hold him close and whisper that everything would be all right...

_No! He's just a friend, and friends don't cuddle each other!_ Oswald shook himself. This sort of thinking had to _stop_.

Ed seemed to gather himself and got out of his car, clutching a videocassette to his chest as he approached Oswald's door.

Oswald opened the door and greeted him with a smile. "Hello!"

"Hello." Ed blushed and averted his gaze. "Thank you again for inviting me."

"Of course! Come in." Oswald stepped aside so that Ed could come in.

Ed looked around Oswald's house with wide eyes, his expression full of awe. "Wow. It's so beautiful. Pointed arch windows, damasks and brocades...a wonderful representation of modern gothic design."

"Glad you like it." Oswald preened a bit, pleased that Ed had picked up on the style that Oswald's parents loved. "I definitely want to update it a bit, but not too much, if that makes sense."

"Certainly." Ed gave him a little smile that made Oswald's heart do a little flip. 

"Um, Ivy couldn't make it, so it's just us. Hope that's okay."

"Oh! Well. Yes, of course. Perfectly fine." Ed cleared his throat. "I hope Ms. Pepper is doing well."

"Yup. She's officially dating her computer repair guy." Oswald smirked. "And, um. Jim's helping Harvey Bullock move this afternoon, so..."

Ed's expression darkened. "Oh. Yes. I remember Harvey."

Oswald sighed. "Yeah, I'm hoping Jim won't ask me to befriend him or anything like that. I can't fucking stand Harvey."

"He is a detestable ignoramus." Ed's eyes flashed with rage for a moment, a sight that caught Oswald's breath. 

_Stop drooling over him! He is your **friend**._ "Definitely. So, what are we watching?"

"I brought Pulp Fiction." Ed held up the movie and smiled. "It is quite the tour de force of comedy and violence."

"Awesome, I love that movie. I haven't seen in forever. Here, have a seat, I'll get you a water."

"You're too kind." Ed settled into the couch, looking around Oswald's home. "Oh! I have a similar piece of artwork in my apartment. That's a Caspar David Friedrich piece, is it not? 'Two Men Contemplating the Moon'?"

Oswald grinned. "Good eye! He was one of my father's favorite artists. You have one of his paintings in your home?"

"Yes. 'A Walk at Dusk'. Friedrich was a master of Gothic romanticism." 

"I love that you know who he is." Oswald returned to the living room and handed a water to Ed, who gave him a blinding smile. 

"Thank you. Yes, it's wonderful to discuss art with someone."

Oswald turned and busied himself with setting up the movie. "I know what you mean. Ivy likes art, but she's not as interested in it as I am. And you and I have similar tastes, too! That's pretty cool."

Ed cleared his throat. "Yes. Well, perhaps... perhaps the next time we watch a film, it can be at my home? I can show you my other paintings. If that's okay, of course."

"Sure, that's be great." Oswald headed back to the couch and gestured to the spread of food on the living room table. "Help yourself. I got calamari, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms, fried raviolis and mozzarella sticks."

"You're very generous. This looks delicious."

Oswald took a seat next to Ed, careful to keep a respectable distance. "Speaking of art, I should give you a tour later. I have some Pre-raphaelite works in my bedroom."

Ed coughed, then recovered and nodded. "Yes. Um. That would be... lovely."

_So cute._ Oswald bit his lower lip and started the movie.

As the first scene played, Ed chuckled to himself as the couple discussed robbing the diner. "Too many people. Too many variables. No escape plan."

"I agree. You could make something like that work, but you'd need to plan for it." Oswald sipped his water. "Have some people on the outside, make sure no one tries to come in and interrupt. And have a car ready, of course."

"Exactly!" Ed beamed. "Also, maybe something could be done ahead of time with the electricity? Wire a few booths, jolt a few customers so they'd be too afraid to leave their seats. That way, no one is tempted to play the hero."

Oswald nodded. "Clever. I like it."

They continued to watch the movie, eating lunch and discussing what they'd do differently than the characters. When Vincent accidentally shot Marvin in the car, Oswald snickered. "That would be me. Accidentally shooting someone in the face like an idiot. If that were us, you'd be the one who would know how to handle it, just like Jules."

Ed laughed softly. "He is rather resourceful. But he has quite a temper."

Oswald shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that. I get really fucking pissed off sometimes too."

"Yeah...so do I." 

"I think everyone does. Some people are just good at hiding it." Oswald rubbed his leg, his hand accidentally brushing against Ed's, and they both jumped at the inadvertent touch. 

"S-sorry," Ed stammered, and scooted a bit further away. 

A quiet tension rose between them, and they watched the rest of the movie in silence. Once the credits started rolling, Oswald noticed that Ed was frowning to himself. "Everything okay?" he asked softly. 

"Just ruminating on what Jules was saying in the diner, about what that biblical passage means. His interpretation is an effort to redeem himself, but I see it as a declaration of violence...that if there were, say, a man of righteousness in Gotham, who declared himself as vengeance against the wicked, would he not in fact become just as wicked by striking down those who opposed him?" Ed sighed. "Perhaps I am overthinking it..."

"Hmm, no, I get what you mean. But if this person was the righteous man, who is the shepard?" Oswald wondered. 

"The GCPD, perhaps." Ed stood and began gathering the empty containers of food. "Thank you again for lunch, it was delicious."

Oswald stood and took the containers from him. "It was my pleasure, and I'll take care of all of this! You relax, you're my guest."

"You are too kind." Ed looked around. "May I use your restroom?"

"Of course. Down the hall to your right."  
After Ed closed the door, Oswald realized that he'd invited Ed to look at the art in his bedroom but hadn't made his bed. Normally he wouldn't care, but knowing that the bed was in a disheveled state after he'd shared it with Jim, and that Ed might see that...no, that would not do. 

Oswald headed to his bedroom, then heard Ed's voice. 

"....making me nervous around him!"

_What?_ Oswald frowned. Was Ed on his phone?

Ed spoke again, but in a deeper voice that Oswald didn't recognize. "... his bedroom. Why don't you show him just how much..."

_What the fuck?_ Oswald almost knocked, but didn't want to let Ed know that he was eavesdropping. He shook his head and headed to his room, quickly fixing up his bed before he could distract himself further. So Ed talked to himself, that was fine. He was a sweet, brilliant, beautiful man, and geniuses often had quirks. 

Oswald headed back to the living room to finish cleaning up and heard Ed speaking in his regular voice again.

"...would just laugh at me anyway. It doesn't matter, so stop."

Ed needed a friend, Oswald told himself as he cleaned up the kitchen and living room. He needed that more than some pathetic weirdo like Oswald crushing on him. Besides, Oswald was with Jim, so it didn't even matter. Oswald was going to focus on being a good friend to Ed, and was going to work on suppressing any kind of inappropriate affection he had for the man. It was only right. 

A few moments later, Ed emerged, looking a bit flustered. "Sorry. Um, what time is it?"

"About four o'clock. Enough time to give you a small tour, if you want one." Oswald smiled at Ed's resulting grin. "Great! Well, you've seen the living room and the kitchen...there's a spare room down the hall there, I'm not sure what to do with it yet. And then my room's right down here." Oswald led him to his room, suddenly remembering how he did the same thing with Jim the first time they had sex. "Um. Yeah. Here it is!"

"Wow." Ed's eyes were wide as he looked over the room. "It's beautiful. Such fascinating features... beautiful. It's you."

Oswald flushed red. "You're sweet."

Ed noticed a black and gold vase on Oswald's desk and gasped. "A Kintsugi piece!"

"Oh! Yes, I saw that at an estate sale and had to have it. Especially after I heard about the philosophy behind it - taking something that's broken and making it stronger, more beautiful." Oswald scowled. "I guess I can relate to the broken part, at least."

"Broken?" Ed murmured, turning to give Oswald a concerned look. "You think you're broken?"

With a rueful laugh, Oswald sat on his bed and gestured at his leg. "What would you call this?"

"No, no, you're not broken." Ed rushed to sit next to him, his voice low and soothing. "Oswald...you're so strong. And brilliant, and kind...there's nothing you couldn't do. Please don't ever refer to yourself as broken. You're so wonderful."

Oswald ducked his head and smiled. "You're so sweet. Thank you." He glanced up at Ed, suddenly getting an idea. "Hey, um...do you want to make this a recurring thing? Watching movies, I mean. It's kind of work related, right?"

"I'd...I'd love that." Ed seemed breathless. "Would you like to pick the next movie? Since I picked this one, I mean."

"Sure." Oswald stopped himself from saying _It's a date_ and stood up. "So. Um. We should get ready. Me for work, and you for your interview."

"Of course." Ed stood as well, adjusting his glasses. "I suppose I should go, then. I would like to get there early."

"Good idea." Oswald walked him to the door, feeling a slight heaviness in his chest at the sight of Ed leaving. "I'll see you soon, at the store. And I know you don't need it, but good luck."

"Thank you. For everything." Ed took a breath, as if he was about to say something, but then shook his head. "I will see you soon, Oswald."

Panicked seized Oswald at the sight of Ed leaving. "Wait!"

"Yes?" Ed turned, his eyes wide and hopeful. 

"Um. I..." Oswald internally cringed at his awkwardness. "I just wanted to say...I'm glad we're friends."

"Friends." Ed nodded, his expression suddenly unreadable. "Yes, of course."

"Oh! And don't forget your movie." Oswald hurried to the VCR, taking the cassette out and fumbling to put it back in its case. He rushed to the door and handed it over with a grin. "Can't forget your things, right?"

"Right." Ed's fingers brushed against Oswald's as he took the cassette, and he took in a sharp breath and looked away. "Thank you. I will see you soon."

Oswald watched him leave, then closed the door and exhaled. _He's your friend. Your friend. Don't be a fool._

Needing a distraction, Oswald checked his phone. No messages from Ivy, which made sense, if she was on a date, but no messages from Jim either, which seemed a bit odd. The only message was from a blocked number - a video clip.

Oswald bit his lip, then let his curiosity win over and clicked to accept the clip, just this once. He kept the number blocked, and told himself that he'd watch the clip, then delete it. 

Jerome had sent a clip of a silent film. In it, a beautiful woman covered in a sheet was seated at a vanity table. She beckoned for a man to approach, and lifted the sheet as he kneeled in front of her to leer at her legs. The clip then changed to a different scene, with a blind woman caressing the man's face as he grinned unnaturally at her, then gently took her hands and held her tenderly to his chest. 

Oswald waited for a horrific scene to suddenly play, like one of Jerome's crude editing creations, but the clip merely faded to black. No note accompanied it. 

It was getting close to five o'clock. He didn't have time to think about what the message meant, or what Jerome was trying to say. Oswald closed the video and headed to his room to change for work.


	7. Chapter 7

"One word. Okay, three... Hot as hell. That's how I'd describe my man." Ivy grinned at her best friend as they made their way down the New Releases aisle. "Victor is so good with technology, he knows everything. Plus he collects swords, how badass is that? Ugh, he is so cool. I can't wait for you to meet him."

"He must be cool, if you like him." Oswald counted and checked off a few titles, then handed her the clipboard. "What else does he like? Besides you, of course."

Ivy giggled. "Let's see...he likes Bruce Lee movies, and he loves reading horror novels. He can quote Japanese poetry. And he loves the Golden Girls, we binge watched it yesterday and he has the cutest laugh. He's the coolest person I know, besides you, of course. And he's mine!" Ivy squealed and jumped. "Ugh. I am falling hard for this guy."

"That's awesome!" Oswald grinned at her. "You know, we should all hang out sometime. You and Victor, me and Jim. Ed too."

Ivy nodded. "Definitely. Maybe Victor can bring a friend, you know, for Ed to hang out with, so he doesn't feel left out being surrounded by couples."

"Oh. Yeah. Good idea." A strange sinking feeling in Oswald's stomach came and went, but he ignored it. 

"How do you think he's doing?" Ivy whispered, glancing at the closed door to Fish's office. "He's been in there for about an hour. I forget how long my interview was."

"I'm sure he's doing great." Oswald crossed off a few titles on his inventory list and gave her an encouraging smile. "It's Ed, he can do anything."

"I know." Ivy took the list from him and clicked the pen anxiously. "I just don't want him to be disappointed."

Before Oswald could reply, Fish emerged from her office with Ed close behind. "Oswald. Ivy." She placed her hand on Ed's shoulder and gave him a rare smile. "Please welcome Mr. Edward Nygma to our family here. He will be joining you both on weeknights. Oswald, perhaps you can take him on a tour?"

"Absolutely." Oswald grinned at Ed and motioned to the break room. "Let me show you where you'll clock in."

"Thank you." Ed smiled bashfully at Ivy's enthusiastic thumbs up as they passed her on their way to the break room. 

Oswald held up the key on his lanyard. "This is new. Fish put a lock on the door after she found out that people were sneaking in. It's going to take some getting used to." He fit the key from his lanyard into the lock and opened the door. Once they were inside, Oswald instinctively hugged Ed, giggling in his ear. "You did it! I knew you'd get hired, I told you!"

Ed drew in a sharp breath, then cautiously put his arms around Oswald's shoulders. "I..."

Oswald could have kicked himself. He was obviously making Ed uncomfortable. "Sorry, I'm just excited." Oswald stepped back, feeling awkward but unable to stop smiling. 

"I...um, yes. Thank you." Ed's face was bright red. "I mentioned the movies I had seen recently - Straw Dogs, Death in Venice, and Ingmar Bergman's Persona. They felt very personal to me, at this point in my life. Themes of identity, revenge, and hidden passion..." Ed shook his head. "Forgive me, I am babbling."

"No, you're wonderful," Oswald gushed, then winced. "Um. I mean, that's wonderful. That you were hired." He gestured around the room. "So, the time clock is over there. We get paid weekly, which is cool. And that couch over there is more comfortable than you'd think. Plus the fridge, and a vending machine..." 

"Fascinating." Ed peered at the old movie posters set against the red and gold wallpaper. "This is a very lavish break room."

"It's Fish, that's for sure." Oswald looked around. "But yeah, there's cameras everywhere, except in the bathrooms and in here. That's how she found out about the people sneaking in. She knew before I could tell her." Oswald smirked. "Nothing gets by Fish."

"Indeed." Ed smiled to himself. "She told me that she felt we would make a good team. You and I. Working together, that is."

"Cool! I'm glad we're working the same shifts." Oswald grinned at his friend. "So, let me show you the rest of the store. Ivy and I are doing inventory, which is kind of boring, but it's not too bad."

Ed looked around the break room in confusion. "What exactly were people doing in here? There does not appear to be an abundance of valuables that would entice a thief."

Oswald sighed. "It was pretty much Jerome Valeska, sneaking in here because he could. Plus he was messing with a few movies, editing them to make, well, weird shit. Officially he's banned from the store, but he might still pop up around here." Suddenly he got an idea and took out his phone. "Hey, um, you're good with movies. Jerome sent me a clip...here. Do you know what it's from?"

Ed gave Oswald a curious look. "Does Jerome often send you videos?"

"No, he...he's just weird." Oswald's face burned as he played the clip, feeling strangely exposed. 

Ed moved closer to watch the clip, the smell of soap on his skin giving Oswald goosebumps. "Hmm...oh. It's from The Man Who Laughs, based on a story by Victor Hugo. It is considered both a romance and a horror film. The titular hero is Gwynplaine, who hides his deformed smile from the woman he loves. But the first scene is a seduction attempt by a duchess who is aroused by his deformity." Ed frowned. "I do not know the intent behind sending these scenes."

"That makes two of us." Oswald put away his phone and shrugged. "Who knows. C'mon, I'll show you the rest of the store."

×××××××××

Ed immediately settled into his new job with ease, assisting customers with recommendations and even offering to finish up inventory on the foreign films section. Oswald watched Ed examine the titles and jot notes down on his clipboard and smiled to himself.

"Hmm."

Oswald turned to see Ivy watching him with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just...well. I was just noticing the way you look at Ed."

Oswald felt his blood run cold. "What? I don't look at him any sort of way. I'm just happy for him. Is that a problem?"

Ivy shrugged. "I'm happy for him too, I adore Ed. But it's just that you have a boyfriend..."

"I know that! I would never...how dare you imply things!" Oswald hissed. "Ed is my friend! Nothing wrong with smiling at a friend!"

"Pengy, relax. I don't want you getting yourself confused, is all. You just started dating Jim..."

"I know that! Duh!"

"...But if you have a thing for Ed, then you need to make a decision," Ivy finished, giving him a pointed look.

"You are not making any goddamn sense." Oswald glared at her. "And for the record, it's not like Ed would even be interested. Not that I would do anything behind Jim's back, thank you very much!"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Pengy, Ed's crazy about you."

"You are a lunatic." 

"Nope, but speaking of lunatics," Ivy muttered as a wild-eyed Jonathan Crane approached the counter. 

"I have returned. As promised." Jonathan set the copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre down and stared intently at Oswald. "I need another."

"Another horror movie?" Oswald shrugged. "Sure, what are you looking for?"

"Something unusual! I have seen all of your typical offerings."

"Um, okay." Oswald glanced at the computer listings of available horror movies. "So..."

Jonathan sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. "I want to be unsettled. I want to be disturbed!"

"Too late," Ivy muttered under her breath.

"Okay...um. Someone just returned Plan 9 From Outer Space," Oswald offered lamely. 

Jonathan's eyes narrowed. "Am I a joke to you?" he hissed. 

"Excuse me," Ed approached the teenager with a cautious smile. "Perhaps you would enjoy Baskin. It is a Turkish surrealist horror film in which a group of police officers are trapped in a hellish nightmare." He handed the video to Jonathan, who eagerly took it and looked over the cover art. 

"Yes! Hellish nightmares... grotesque imagery...this is what I seek!"

"Perhaps you would also enjoy the Japanese horror film Audition," Ed suggested, leading Jonathan to the foreign films section. "There is also a French movie titled Martyrs that you mind find interesting..."

Oswald grinned at Ivy, who shook her head in disbelief. "Unreal," she muttered. "Ed's really got a knack for this."

"Isn't he amazing?" Oswald murmured. 

Ivy smirked knowingly at her friend. "Mmhm."

×××××××××

The evening passed by quickly, and by the last hour, the store was mostly empty. Ivy stayed at the counter while Ed and Oswald finished up the inventory, working on the Romantic Comedy section in silence.

Oswald glanced at Ed a few times, his mind racing. Was Ivy right - was he getting himself confused? It wasn't like he could just stop being attracted to Ed. And it wasn't like Oswald would do anything with a guy who wasn't his boyfriend, and it didn't matter, because Ed was definitely _not_ interested. Ivy was crazy. 

But the silence between them felt heavy, and Oswald noticed Ed sneaking a couple of glances at him. 

It was quiet. Too quiet. Oswald panicked and blurted the first thing that came to his mind. "I had a couple of dreams about you recently. About us."

Ed froze, then turned, his eyes wide. "You dreamt of me?"

"Yes." Oswald smiled at the memory. "We were older, and you came to visit me at my club. We were talking about robbing a bank."

Ed stared at him, then set his clipboard down. "Interesting." 

"Yeah. It was before we watched Pulp Fiction, even. Weird, right?" 

"Dreams are often fascinating glimpses into the subconscious." Ed fiddled with his lanyard and gave Oswald a furtive glance. "What else occurred in this dream?"

"You were dressed in all green. You told me that you'd gotten everything taken care of for the robbery, and then we..." Oswald stopped himself. "Um, you and I, we..."

"Yes...?" Ed whispered.

_You kissed me in a dream, and I can't stop thinking about it._ "Um." Oswald swallowed. "You told me that Jim wouldn't bother us. I guess in my dream, he was already working for the GCPD."

"Oh." Ed looked away. "I see."

The uncomfortable silence settled back in, but this time Ed was the one who broke it. "If one were to steal from the Gotham Savings and Loan, it would take a great deal of planning and teamwork." 

"Yeah." Oswald drummed his fingers on the stack of videos nearby. "A distraction would work. Keep the GCPD far away, maybe on the other side of town."

"An explosion!" Ed said suddenly. "Or perhaps, something similar, with pyrotechnics."

"Funny you mention that." Oswald glanced up at him and gave him a nervous smile. "In my other dream, you told me you were setting up bombs, but you were distracted by thinking of...um..."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Of...?"

_Of how it felt to be inside of me._ "Of...um...you know, different wires and stuff." Oswald looked around, desperate for a distraction. He noticed Ivy approaching and nearly sighed in relief. "Hey Ivy, how would you rob a bank?" 

"Ohhh, good question!" She furrowed her brow, then smirked. "I'd poison the water supply. Knock 'em out, then stroll right in." 

"Nice."

"How about you guys? Something elaborate and crazy?"

"Why not?" Oswald asked, giving Ed a little wink. 

Ed tightened his grip on his clipboard. "Y-yes, we would orchestrate a distraction. An explosion, to be precise."

"Ohh, working together, huh? Smart move." She smirked at Oswald and headed back to the counter to check out a waiting customer.

"... Whatever." Oswald glanced at the row of movies in front of him and picked up both copies of When Harry Met Sally. "I'm going to have to check these out. Make sure they're not all fucked up."

Ed pushed up his glasses. "Did Jerome indicate how many of his creations might be in circulation?"

"No, and I could probably ask him, but I don't really want to unblock his number." Oswald felt Ed staring at him and looked up. "What?"

"Are you...friends with Jerome Valeska?" Ed asked with an unreadable expression. 

Oswald sighed. "I don't know what we are. Or what he wants me to be. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I mean, I'm with Jim."

"Right." Ed looked back to his clipboard, his mouth set in a hard line. "You're with Jim Gordon."

That strange feeling of wrongness came over Oswald again, and he tapped his fingers on the cassettes in his hand. "Um. I'm just going to go set these down, I'll be right back."

"No need," Ed stated emotionlessly. "I am just about finished here." 

"Oh. Um, okay. Cool." Oswald took the tapes to the break room, where he set them with the rest of his things. 

He was happy with Jim. Things were new and exciting, and it was a real relationship, not a stupid, outdated crush or a lust filled fantasy. 

He needed to focus. 

Oswald sighed at himself and headed back out to the store, where he was accosted by a giggling couple asking for help locating a certain type of genre in the Spank Space. After what felt like minutes, they were finally able to admit to having a shared bondage fetish, and he showed them the section that featured such videos. They giddily picked up a few movies and hurried out, pawing at each other in the process.

"Ugh." Oswald rolled his eyes and was about to head back into the main section of the store when he heard a familiar voice.

"Playing hard to get, pretty birdy?"

Oswald jumped as Jerome stepped out from behind a corner, his ever present grin giving Oswald a slight thrill. 

"What the fuck? Why are you hiding out back here?"

"A man gets bored, Ozzie. A man has needs." Jerome's gaze lowered to Oswald's body and he hummed appreciatively. "And you're not helping, by the way. You're making things very, very hard for me."

Oswald's pulse jumped at his suggestive comment, but he took a step back. "Seriously, Jerome..."

"Mmm, I love how you say my name, Ozzie. I like having things of mine in that pretty mouth of yours."

"Why did you send those movie clips?" Oswald demanded.

Jerome's grin widened. "Oh goodie, you got my message. Well, I enjoy a good movie once in a while, and I found that gem. Thought you'd enjoy it too...seemed right up your alley."

"What? How so?"

Jerome raised an eyebrow. "You need it spelled out for ya, birdy?"

Oswald glared at him. "I don't fucking get it, okay! Some deformed guy gets hit on and falls in love...wait." Oswald stepped closer, his vision narrowing as fury rose up in him. "Are you saying I'm deformed? Because of my leg?"

"Oh, please." Jerome scoffed. "Have some perspective, Ozzie. I'm not talking physical afflictions here. I'm talking about the big picture." Jerome placed a hand on the wall over Oswald's head and looked him up and down. "See, I think that clown's grin makes him who he is. He tries to hide it, but he really shouldn't. In fact, he's not really deformed at all...he's unique. Gotham's got a lot of people that some would consider... deformed. Wicked. Broken, even. But me? All is see is..." Jerome looked him over again, his eyes half lidded with desire. "...Beauty."

Oswald stared at him, too stunned to speak. "You...wait, no. I'm not... beautiful."

Jerome tutted. "None of that, Ozzie. If you can't see what I can see, well...maybe I should help you with that."

"You're not making sense," Oswald protested. "And honestly, it doesn't matter. I've blocked your number, okay? No more texts, or clips! You have to stop! I have a _boyfriend_ now," Oswald snapped. 

"Ohhh yes, I heard." Jerome snorted. "You're Jim Gordon's little twinkie."

Oswald bared his teeth at the other man, his hands shaking with the urge to wring Jerome's neck. "Fuck you! I am not a twinkie!"

Jerome smirked. "Oh no? You're not all soft and sugary and cream filled?"

Oswald jaw dropped, but before he could muster a response, Jerome leaned closer, his smile fading. "He's no good for you, beautiful."

Something stirred in Oswald's chest. "What are you doing?" he whispered. "What is this?"

"Would've thought that was obvious." Jerome looked Oswald over and ran his tongue over his teeth. "You and I, Oswald Cobblepot... we're not all that different. But that guy of yours, Jim Gordon? He's nothing like us." Jerome chuckled and whispered into Oswald's ear. "If you ever want to have some real fun, Ozzie baby, you just call me."

×××××××××

Oswald sullenly limped to the checkout counter and slouched against the wall, crossing his arms and glaring in the direction of the Spank Space.

Ivy glanced up at him. "What's wrong, did that dipshit Solomon Grundy throw a tantrum because we're all out of lesbian porn, or something?"

Oswald sniffed. "Apparently I'm a twinkie, because I'm soft, and sugary, and...cream filled."

Ivy slowly looked up from her phone and gave Oswald a bewildered look. "I'm going to need you to explain that entire sentence."

"Jerome's here." Oswald groaned at her aghast expression. "I know! He won't leave. I don't know what to do."

"Uhh, _make_ him leave."

" _Uhh_ , he's got muscles on muscles and it's not like I could kick his ass."

Ivy sniffed. "I don't know about that. You're pretty scrappy." 

"I'm serious!" Oswald shouted, then gritted his teeth when a few remaining customers glanced up at him. "He told me that Jim's no good for me."

"Oh, he's a relationship expert now?"

"No, he's just being a fucking weirdo, and...oh fuck." Oswald's eyes widened as he saw Jim pull into the parking lot. "Oh shit. Okay. I need you to do me a favor...go to the Spank Space and distract Jerome until Jim leaves."

Ivy snorted. "Fuck to the no! I'm not associating with that nutjob. He gives redheads a bad name."

"Please," Oswald hissed. "If Jim finds out he's here..."

"Pengy, Jim is your boyfriend. He has the right to know that Jerome is harassing you. Ask Ed to do your dirty work."

"What's that?" Ed asked, approaching them with a confused frown.

Ivy turned to him. "Oswald's afraid that Jim's going to find out that Jerome's been stalking him."

"He's not stalking me!" Oswald protested. "He's just...being weird."

"He wants to fuck you senseless," Ivy retorted. "And he's being as subtle as a flying chainsaw."

Ed looked stunned. "Jerome Valeska...is courting you?"

"Courting is not the word I'd use." Oswald raked his hand through his hair. "This is so fucked!"

"Just tell Jim the truth." Ivy rubbed her friend's shoulder. "Relax. You're getting yourself all crazy."

Oswald exhaled. "He called me beautiful."

Ivy's hand stopped moving. "Jerome Valeska said that?"

"Yeah. I know. It was...weirdly sweet."

Ed's grip on his clipboard tightened until his knuckles were white. "What else did he say to you?" he demanded in a low, strange voice. 

Oswald was about to reply when Jim entered the store, heading directly to the counter. "Hey there." He grinned at Oswald, then nodded at Ivy. "Hello again, Ivy."

"Hey Jim!" she said cheerfully. "Look, Ed works with us now! You remember Ed Nygma, right?"

"Of course." Jim turned to Ed, his smile fading when he saw the intense look on the other man's face. "Uh. You okay?"

"Jim Gordon," Ed growled. "Hello."

"Um. Hello." Jim turned to his boyfriend and frowned. "Hey, are you okay? You seem upset."

Oswald sighed. "I'm fine, I'm just...I had a weird encounter, that's all."

"Rude customer?" Jim guessed.

"Um, no. I, um, was working in the Spank Space and Jerome came up to me and said some things. Nothing really happened."

Jim's jaw clenched. "Jerome's here?"

"He called your boyfriend a twinkie," Ivy informed him. "You know, sweet and cream filled?"

"Not helpful!" Oswald snapped.

Jim leaned close. "Oswald...what else did he say to you?"

Oswald exhaled slowly. He had to be honest. Jerome was being inappropriate, and Jim had the right to know what was going on. "He...told me that you're no good for me," Oswald muttered. "And that I should call him if I, um. Wanted to have some real fun."

Jim's hands balled into fists. "Where is he now?" he demanded, looking around the store with wild eyes. 

"He just left." Ivy pointed at the parking lot, where Jerome was strolling to his car.

Jim stomped to the door and shoved it open. "Hey! Valeska!" 

Jerome turned and began laughing hysterically as Jim marched out to the parking lot. 

"Holy fucking shit!" Oswald ran after his boyfriend, dimly aware of Ivy and Ed following him.


End file.
